In his recently-published memoir, “Karen: A Brother Remembers,” actor Kelsey Grammer revealed that two of his preborn children were aborted — experiences that appear to have greatly affected him. While society parrots the idea that abortion is solely a woman’s issue, Grammer’s story of abortion regret underscores the reality that men are also impacted by the killing of their preborn children.
“The abortion of my son eats at my soul”
According to People, Grammer wrote that in 1974, a former girlfriend aborted their child. Though Grammer said he was “willing” to keep the baby, he “did not plead with her to save his life,” and instead “volunteered to have my son’s body vacuumed out of his mother’s.”
“I regret it. That’s all I meant to say,” he said, adding, “I know that many people do not have a problem with abortion, and though I have supported it in the past, the abortion of my son eats away at my soul.”
Grammer also railed against the abortionists responsible for killing preborn children, saying, “The doctor, or so-called doctors, who have executed generations of children in this manner — I have no idea how they call themselves doctors. Something about the ‘first, do no harm’ thing. But I offer no controversy.”
The topic also came up during a recent interview with Parade magazine, in which he spoke of his aborted son, saying, “It’s a lingering regret. Yeah, it lingers. I don’t know what else to say about it except I wonder what he might have done in life and how much potential existed.”
Years later, Grammer experienced abortion a second time when doctors convinced him and his wife Kayte that aborting their son was necessary so that the baby’s twin, Faith, might live. In explaining what happened, it’s clear that Grammer understands that abortion is the killing of a preborn child.
“We killed our son so Faith might live. We wept as we watched his heart stop,” Grammer wrote. “It is the greatest pain I have ever known. Kayte’s scream was enough to make a man mourn a lifetime.” Faith is now 12 years old, and Grammer has seven born children in all.
Though these experiences appear to have had a profound impact on his life, his views about abortion seem unclear.
“I supported the idea that a woman has the right to do what she wants with her own body. I still do,” he wrote. “But it’s hard for me. Still is.”
Grammer and his wife Kayte actually attended the March for Life in 2016, and the National Right to Life Convention the year prior. His wife Kayte posted to Instagram after the March, “There are better ways to avoid pregnancy than abortion. We advocate those. We can respect a woman’s right to choose and respect a child’s right to life at the same time. They do not need to stand in opposition. We need never kill another innocent life. Respect life.”
Grammer has even been criticized for proudly wearing a pro-life t-shirt — making it difficult to decipher his remarks (and hers).
BEVERLY HILLS, CA – MARCH 04: Kayte Walsh (L) and actor Kelsey Grammer attend the 2018 Vanity Fair Oscar Party hosted by Radhika Jones at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on March 4, 2018 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)
Men regret abortion too
Regardless of whether or not he supports abortion, it’s clear that Grammer — like countless other men — has experienced post-abortion grief and trauma. In sharing his story, he is helping other men impacted by abortion, affirming that they are not alone in the pain they feel.
A study from Support After Abortion found that “one in seven men may be coping from negative impacts from abortion.” The study report explains, “Men in the study reported depression, sadness, guilt, regret, anxiety, anger, thoughts of what could have been, emptiness, substance abuse, a sense of lost fatherhood, and other emotions.”
Live Action News has shared some of those men’s stories, including in its Can’t Stay Silent campaign.
“I didn’t deal with any of the physical drama, yet it breaks my heart we took away a life; our own flesh and blood,” a man named Steven said. “I feel like this has become a permanent stain on our relationship and our lives.”
Spencer admitted, “I have lived with that regret for nearly 40 years. A day does not pass [that] I don’t think about my child! That one selfish act cost me more than I can fully express.”
David Bangs told Live Action News, “Being complicit in the abortion of my child was by far the worst decision I ever made. Abortion is a destroyer of relationships, of souls and of the most vulnerable.”
In 2019, the BBC published an article interviewing men whose children had died by abortion. “I didn’t know how I was going to survive,” explained one man. “I’ve thought about what happened every day for the last 32 years.”
Another said, “Men are meant to be protectors, so there is a sense of failure – failing to protect the mother and the unborn child, failing to be responsible. There is incredible guilt and shame about having not done that.”
Men’s voices matter
Despite these emotions, men are continually told that they shouldn’t have a say in abortion, and they aren’t allowed to feel anything. Slogans like “no uterus, no opinion” and “my body my choice” work to exclude men from the abortion conversation altogether — unless, that is, they choose to agree with that perspective.
In reality, a study from the pro-life non-profit organization Care Net titled, “The Care Net Study of Men whose Partner has had an Abortion” found that 42% of the male respondents said that they encouraged their partners to abort, 27% said they discouraged their partners from abortion, and 31% said they did not offer any advice at all about the abortion.
Women are listening to the men in their lives. If a father stands up for his preborn child, that child has a greater chance of survival.
Grammer himself acknowledges that some of his grief comes from the fact that he did nothing to stop his ex-girlfriend from aborting their son. He, like so many others, had bought the lie that abortion is purely a women’s issue, but the reality is that every preborn child has a mother and a father. When that child’s life ends, men may naturally experience significant grief, trauma, and regret.
Editor’s Note: If you are suffering with abortion trauma or regret (as a woman or man), visit this page for various healing resources.
