After the traumatic loss of his child to abortion, he found healing by helping others

When 21-year-old college student Theo Purington found out his girlfriend of six months was pregnant, he was fully prepared to embrace fatherhood, but his girlfriend informed him that she planned to have an abortion. Purington was devastated.

“Neither one of us ever talked about the possibility we could get pregnant,” Purington told Live Action News. “Ironically, she attended Boston College, which was a Catholic school. She had spoken to the school nurse about the pregnancy, and the nurse encouraged her to get an abortion.”

Still, Purington made an appointment for the couple at a pregnancy resource center where his girlfriend got an ultrasound. 

Purington said, “We both saw the heartbeat on the scan. It was determined she was about five weeks gestation. We were told to come back in three weeks.”

At eight weeks, Purington noted that his child was further developed.

“We could see growth of our child’s limbs, hands and feet,” Purington said. “I cried when I saw the heartbeat, but my girlfriend was completely unmoved, she was still unwavering in her desire to have the abortion.”

A father's fight for his preborn child

His girlfriend’s sister had undergone an abortion and offered to pay for Purington’s child to be aborted. Purington confided in his parents, and his mother tried to talk with his girlfriend, asking her to reconsider, but she refused.

“I was desperate, so I called the abortion clinic and asked what my rights were," Purington explained. "I was told I didn’t have any rights.”

He wanted to know what the abortion facilities do with babies' bodies after they pull them from the womb. 

“They told me it wasn’t a baby and told me to never call there again or they’d contact the police,” Purington said.  “I called everyone I could think of, only to be told time and again that I didn’t have any rights as a father until after my child was born.”

A week before the abortion, Purington again tried to reason with his girlfriend, but she remained resolute about having the abortion. 

Purington said, “I wanted to say goodbye to my child. I kissed my girlfriend’s stomach and told my child that 'Daddy will see you again someday in Heaven.' I was heartbroken.”

As he left, his girlfriend gave him ultrasound pictures of their baby for a keepsake.

“On the day of the abortion, my girlfriend texted me to tell me it was done,” Purington said. “It was a very painful moment. I had felt so helpless to stop it.”

Abortion trauma leads to redemption

In the weeks following the abortion, Purington couldn’t eat or sleep. He felt as if he couldn’t get past the trauma of losing his preborn child.

Purington said, “I talked to a pastor the day after the abortion, and he suggested I host a memorial service for my baby.”

His parents attended the service, as did a few of his friends. 

READ: Woman suffered for 25 years after abortion, ‘not knowing exactly what was wrong’ with her

“The days following were grief stricken,” Purington said. “I had thoughts of suicide.”

In the years afterward, Purington tried to numb his emotions by abusing alcohol and drugs – but it didn’t work. He eventually joined a Bible study for those who are post-abortive and understood his pain.

Men aren’t allowed to grieve the loss of a child through abortion," he said. "I was told by friends, pastors and others with whom I was close that because my child was never born, I shouldn’t be grieving; that I didn’t have a right to my feelings. It was really upsetting.”

He eventually got sober with the help of his priest and Church family.

Then, in the winter of 2007, he was invited to a Right to Life March where he met a man named Chris Slaugherty, who ran a pregnancy support center in the boroughs of New York.

“I was invited to work with him for the summer,” Purington said. “I arrived on July 12, which, coincidentally, had been the due date for my child.”

While there, Purington counseled both men and women who suffered from the aftermath of abortion.”

Purington said, “That summer I helped to save 100 lives through healing.”

He later moved to New Hampshire, where he continued his work in the pro-life movement by participating in sidewalk counseling and speeches at churches, eventually becoming involved in running pregnancy support centers.

“I was first a director at a pregnancy support center in New Mexico and then in Florida,” Purington said. 

Now married with a child, Purington is temporarily taking a hiatus from activism due to medical issues but hopes to return full-time to his activism next year.

“I have had 15 brain surgeries to remove benign bleeding tumors," he said. "My biggest surgery was just two years ago, so I’m still in the process of healing. 

"Men have a voice"

Purington still counsels post-abortive men who are referred to him through his network

“These men are suffering just like I was,” he said. “Men have a voice even though the world tells them they don’t. But they should speak up and refuse to be silent. You never know when you can make a difference and change a mind.”

At one point, he tried to influence legislation to give men more authority over the lives of their preborn children, but it went nowhere. 

“Nobody wants to take up the mantle regarding this, so I just focus on counseling men and women before or after abortion," he said.

He still misses his baby every day.

“It’s the worst pain imaginable,” Purington said. “I have hope that I will see him in Heaven one day.”