'You have to blind yourself to the baby's reactions,' recalls former abortionist

Dr. Catherine Wheeler, an OB/GYN and former abortionist, shares in a new Live Action video what led her to commit abortions, the experience that changed her view on abortion, and her journey toward committing herself to God.

Key Takeaways:

• Dr. Catherine Wheeler said she committed abortions until experiencing a feeling of "literal darkness around me" during one of the procedures.

• After many years, she experienced a conversion, returning to God and receiving healing for her past work.

• She now invites other abortion workers to leave the industry, saying, "It's better on the other side."

The Details:

Ex-Abortion Doctor Tells The Shocking Truth About Abortion

She thought she was helping women

Wheeler, who trained during her OB/GYN residency at the University of Utah, said she started committing abortions in the belief she was helping women. “My motivations for entering abortion really were around a narrative of helping women in difficult situations and supporting women's right to make choices for themselves,” she said.

She explained that the majority of her work involved aborting babies she described as being "special needs" cases.

“It wasn't really grounded in thinking about the baby in this situation as a full-fledged human being,” Wheeler said. “It was just what we offered — and that's unfortunately what I picked up.”

During the abortion procedure, Wheeler said she often felt uneasy.

“It always felt off. There was something that was always off emotionally, physically in those rooms,” she said. “You have to blind yourself to the baby's reactions to your instruments.”

A life-changing experience

Wheeler's view on abortion changed profoundly during what she described as her only elective abortion.

“It was like the blinders came off in the middle of doing an abortion with a sudden awareness… that I was killing a baby,” she said.

Wheeler described experiencing “a literal darkness around me” and hearing the words in her head: “You're about to kill a baby.”

“That just completely ended me ever being willing to do another one,” she said. “I was so aware… this was actually taking a human life.”

Though she knew she had undergone a profound transformation, she felt alone and unable to speak to anyone about her experience. "And so," she said, "I literally didn't deal with it. I pushed it away like a lot of people do with traumatic experiences."

A return to God

It wasn't until Wheeler was 50 years old and experiencing a failed second marriage that she returned to the Christian faith of her childhood.

“I literally just called out, ‘Help. God, help,’” she said. “And I immediately felt unusual peace.”

She started attending church and eventually shared publicly her past work as an abortionist. She credits the kindness and caring of those around her in helping her through as she received healing and reconciliation while growing in her faith.

Wheeler recounted how learning more about the Holocaust as an adult helped her connect the dots between the dehumanization of the Jewish people and the dehumanization of the preborn.

"Dehumanizing [the preborn] to the point where they basically present it to us women as, 'babies are our enemy,'" she said.

The Bottom Line:

Wheeler ended with a message to anyone who may still be entangled in the snares of working within the abortion industry.

“There's a way out. It's better on the other side. You don't have to hide in shame,” she said, noting the availability of organizations to help former abortion workers, like And Then There Were None.

"Come to this side,” she said. "Come to the side of light. We're here to help you. It's not the unforgivable sin. There's a different and better way."