Living with the guilt of an aborted child changed the direction of Jeff's life

Jeff Joaquin was headed off to play college football with dreams of a future with the NFL when a phone call from his girlfriend changed everything.

An Attempt to Avoid Shame Only Created More

Joaquin's girlfriend told him she was pregnant, and he asked her to give him 24 hours to digest the information. All that time, the words of his mother kept replaying in his mind.

Joaquin told Live Action News, “My older brother had gotten his girlfriend pregnant — and while he married her, [the unplanned pregnancy] was shameful for my family. My mother told me that if I ever did that, she’d castrate me. I didn’t want to disappoint my mother, so I told my girlfriend I wasn’t ready to be a father.”

His girlfriend made an appointment for an abortion out of town to ensure confidentiality and Joaquin drove her there. Neither spoke during the ride. When they arrived at the facility, his girlfriend asked if he would accompany her inside, but he declined.

“In retrospect, she just wanted support, but I gave her the cold shoulder,” Joaquin said. “Instead, I sat in a hot car in the parking lot, thinking that I had sacrificed my child for my own selfish reasons. I never considered the feelings of my girlfriend.”

Joaquin went off to college and played football, attempting to bury the emotional pain of the abortion with drug and alcohol abuse. He was eventually courted by the Buffalo Bills — but due to his alcohol and drug abuse, he was denied the chance to play in the NFL.

“The Bills did a background check on me and discovered my past cocaine use,” Joaquin said. “That ruined any chances I had to play with the team.”

A Near-Death Experience and Spiritual Conversion

At 23, Joaquin found himself lying on his parents’ living room floor having a cocaine-induced heart attack.

He called his brother, who said he would all the paramedics, but Joaquin told his brother that if he was to survive, it would be Jesus — if He existed — who would have to save him.

Joaquin said, “I felt a sudden warm sensation and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the morning. I got on my knees and asked Jesus to put the pieces of my life back together. He was the only one who could save me.”

He was thankful he was given a second chance at life, especially since six of his friends had died from alcohol and drug addictions. Why, he wondered, did he get another chance at life?

He would soon find out as God’s plan unfolded.

“I met my wife Sandy shortly thereafter but still didn’t completely turn my life over to God,” Joaquin said. “Instead, I became a workaholic and was very successful financially. I had everything you could imagine but it was just another way to self-medicate.”

Blessed by Faith

His faith was put to the test when he and his wife tried to start a family, but no pregnancy resulted. He felt as if God might be punishing him for the past abortion.

Joaquin said, “We went to a fertility doctor who gave us two options: IVF or the GIFT procedure. IVF was much less expensive and had a much higher success rate than the other procedure, but we knew that IVF was not an option. We decided to trust God, and on Good Friday, found out we were pregnant.”

The Joaquins were blessed with a daughter whom they named Faith McKenzie. 

“When I saw the ultrasound of our daughter, I understood why God had saved me,” Joaquin said. “It was to bring life into the world. He wanted me to not only be a husband and a father, but to take my message of brokenness from the abortion and to share it.”

Joaquin found a mentor in Father Ed Sylvia, who helped him to repent of his sin and commit his life to God.

Joaquin said, “I went into the Corpus Christi Catholic Church to confess about the abortion. I wept and the priest wept but he gave me absolution. Afterward, he walked out of the confessional and wrapped his arms around me. I was born anew and committed to God.”

Releasing the Shame of Abortion to Save Lives

He started going to an abortion facility on Saturday mornings to pray. He also offered a man’s perspective to the men he encountered in a loving and compassionate way.

“I urged them to understand the gravity of their decisions,” Joaquin said. “I believe God was preparing me for His big plan by using me to prevent others from making the same mistake I had. The pain of abortion never went away; it just sticks with you.”

Abortion Regret Is Real: Men and Women Share Their Journey to Healing

Joaquin recalled that he once cried out to the Lord in agony because he never had a son of his own. 

“I railed that while God was a miracle worker, He couldn’t give me a son,” Joaquin said. “Then, I felt the presence of Christ and saw a vision of Him and my son. He told me that I did have a son who was with Him, and his name was Jonathan Andrew. He told me that they both loved me very much. I just wept.”

Joaquin felt ashamed for complaining when he’d been blessed with a wife and daughter. Yet, he still carried the crushing weight of shame and anxiety.

Joaquin said, “Father Sylvia told me to call my former girlfriend and apologize. I thought it was a bad idea but agreed to reach out if God got me her phone number in 48 hours.”

Surprisingly, a friend whom Joaquin contacted was able to get her number after declaring that nobody knew where she lived. After getting permission from his wife, Joaquin contacted her.

“It was the hardest conversation I ever had — but afterward, it was a huge weight off my shoulders,” Joaquin said. 

Giving God the Glory

With that behind him, he felt ready to speak out. He told his story at conferences, retreats and galas, traveling across the country and in Canada, preaching a message of mercy. He met thousands of men and women who shared with him their pain of lost parenthood.

Joaquin said, “I had at least four men and women tell me they were considering abortion but chose life after hearing about the suffering I endured by aborting my child.”

When he spoke on a Florida college campus, he later learned that a boy in attendance had learned his girlfriend was pregnant, and the couple chose life because of Joaquin's message.

“God told me to create a documentary based on their story,” Joaquin said. “It’s entitled ‘How to Save a Life’ and is being shown on global networks. Their daughter was born in August 2025.”

Joaquin is grateful to be used to save the lives of preborn children, and he gives God the glory.

“Men need to come out into the light and have a seat at the table," he said, "and women must forgive the men who weren’t there for them, if we’re to change the culture and save babies.”