Live Action has launched season two of its “Face to Face” video series with an episode featuring a panel of rape survivors and individuals who were conceived in rape. Together, they shared their experiences and how rape affected their lives, which for some, include choosing abortion — and the regret that followed.
Hosted by Live Action founder and president Lila Rose, the series has 75 million views so far, and the latest episode delves into the emotional topic of rape, and how it affected the women who survived it, and those who were conceived through it, including outspoken pro-life advocate Steventhen Holland.
Rape Survivors:
The first woman to share her story was Denise Verduzco, who is a survivor of date rape at the age of 16. “I went out to a party with some friends and I was young, but there was a lot of drinking involved. And one thing just led to another, and… just took me into the car. That’s where the rape happened. I was barely coherent at that point. And I do remember just coming out and barely being just even able to walk, and just, you know… feeling just… not okay. A few months later, I started feeling really sick, and I’m like, something’s wrong.”
By the time she realized she was pregnant, she was already four months along, and everyone she talked to about the pregnancy told her to have an abortion. “It was a two day process. I remember there being pro-life protesters outside at that point. I was just wanting to just get rid of this. And that’s what my mentality at that point was like: I just want all of this to go away. I don’t want to have to face it. I don’t want to have to tell my parents,” she said. “And after that, I had my abortion. And so, in the beginning, I didn’t feel shame. I didn’t feel guilt. I was just like, all my problems went away. It’s going to be fine. And it wasn’t until years later, when I started to realize what an abortion really was, that my eyes were opened. And that’s when the influx of emotions of the guilt, shame, fear, everything just flooded. I spiraled out of control. There was a lot of alcohol abuse, a lot of promiscuity.”
Denise later was able to find healing and forgiveness when she found her faith, but she still feels betrayed by the medical providers who pushed her towards abortion, without even bothering to educate her on what would be taking place during the procedure
“It’s been 21 years in January that I had my abortion,” she said. “So just when you think that the healing ends, it really doesn’t. It’s just different layers. I know just meeting people that were conceived in rape, that’s another layer of healing that you think of what could have been. And so it’s been a very long journey. I learned that you can’t heal trauma with trauma. And so the only way is obviously through Christ.”
Like Denise, Geri Featherby was raped by an acquaintance at the age of 18. She became pregnant, and feeling ashamed of what had happened, didn’t feel she could tell her parents. Her siblings encouraged her to have an abortion.
“I was born and raised in a very devout Catholic family, and I went ahead and had an abortion, and I never spoke about it to anyone. I never spoke about it. No one ever asked me about it. It was never talked about,” she said. “I didn’t know. I knew that the rape was not the reason I had the abortion, right? I never thought of myself as reflecting on the birth of the baby and thinking that, oh, there might be something, you know, it’ll always be a reminder. It was just the fear, the fear that I wouldn’t be able to go and move on with my life in a way that was healthy at all, and just the opposite happened. I certainly was not able to move on with my life in a way that was healthy. My life was in a tailspin, and it was after that, that I began to really have the manifestations of the abortion really, really hit hard in many different ways. Like you said, the promiscuity, the need, somebody fix this, but I hadn’t reconciled with the abortion at all.”
After she got married, Geri was able to find healing. She explained, “I have forgiven everyone involved, including the rapist.”
Individuals conceived in rape
Speaking with Geri and Denise were three individuals who learned that they had been conceived in rape.
Anne Farrens discovered the truth of her conception when she was just 12 years old, and it devastated her. Eventually, with the help of a therapist, Anne was able to find peace, and she shared a message of love and forgiveness for Geri and Denise.
“I’ve had a beautiful life. I’m so grateful to be here. I’m so grateful for my children,” she said. “So hearing your stories makes me sad that you guys were robbed of what my mom has always told me was the greatest gift, which I didn’t believe her for a long time. But I do believe that now, as a mother, like… you can’t replace a child. You can’t. And you guys deserved that. You deserve to have a daughter text. I text my mom every day and tell her she’s beautiful. And I love her.”
At 18, Rebecca Kiessling met her birth mother, and found out she was conceived after her mother had been raped at knifepoint.
READ: ‘Broken pieces’: Women who regret abortions come ‘Face to Face’ with abortion survivors
“And it was just truly horrific circumstances. She was a single mom heading to the grocery store at night, right down the street from her home. And she told me that she had been raped by her grandfather growing up,” she said. “And she just thought, ‘I’ve been through this before. I’m just going to get this over with. Just got to get home and make sure my children are safe.’ My brother was 10 and my sister was 12. And it was really difficult learning that I was conceived out of these horrific circumstances…where I wondered what is my worth? Maybe there was a way that I could prove my worth.”
But her birth mother had more heartbreaking news to share — her mother had wanted to abort her.
“I wanted to find roots, and feel grounded, and feel safe. And hearing that she didn’t consider abortion was going to be part of that. And instead, she told me the opposite,” said Kiessling. “And she said that if abortion had been legal, she absolutely would have aborted me. She just said, ‘You don’t know what it was like. It should have been my right.’ And it was just devastating to hear her say that, you know, I should be dead. And if I hadn’t been protected, that she would have ousted me, basically.”
Her mother eventually changed her mind, and Rebecca was able to find her worth by finding her faith. After she began giving public speeches, rape survivors who had abortions would seek her out, asking for forgiveness.
Steventhen Holland was also adopted as a child and grew up unaware that he was conceived in rape until he was 27 years old. The news was heartwrenching.
“[My birth mother] was gang raped at the age of 18. She was mentally challenged, only functioned as an 11-year-old,” he said. “She was in a mental facility. So she was being pressured every day to abort me. So what I found out was that I was wanted, I was loved. She fought for me…”
He said he hesitated to share this about his mother because he didn’t want Geri or Denise to feel even guiltier than they do about having abortions. “That’s why I led with, I love you and I’m thankful for you,” he said to them as they cried. “And God has a purpose and a plan. And I know I’m thankful He has, He’s in the business of taking things that were meant for evil and turning it for good. So thank you.”
Each emotional and thought-provoking Face to Face episode is available to watch here.
