Jay Leno says he's devoted to his wife with dementia: 'We're in this together'

Comedian Jay Leno recently discussed his role as a caregiver to his wife, Mavis, who has advanced dementia, and how he intends to remain faithful to her — even as others have encouraged him to choose otherwise.

Key Takeaways:

• Jay Leno met his wife, Mavis, in 1976, and the two married in 1980.

• In 2024, Mavis was diagnosed with dementia, and Leno was granted conservatorship over their joint estate.

• He has spoken in a new interview about his life serving as her caregiver, and how much he enjoys taking care of her and making her laugh.

• Leno also said some have asked if he plans to 'get a girlfriend' while still caring for his wife, which Leno rejected, calling it "the most Hollywood thing."

• He explained what his marriage vows mean to him, and that he has every intention of honoring them and his wife.

The Details:

Leno recently appeared on Maria Shriver's "Life Above the Noise," and discussed his life caring for Mavis as she lives with advanced dementia.

Leno recognized that he is fortunate to have the ability to hire assistance to care for his wife when he can't be there:

"I've been very lucky. The people I feel sorry for, nurses, policemen, teachers, you've got a job and you've got to take care of elderly parents or a spouse or something like that. I mean, I can afford to have somebody with Mavis when I'm not there.

So I come home at six o'clock and make dinner and we go, OK. And it's good. I never want to be one of these 'woe is me' people, because it's not. I'm very fortunate. And I've said this a bunch of times, you take a vow when you get married, and people are stunned that you would — they're so shocked that you live up to it."

Jay Leno on Comedy, Cars and Caregiving | Life Above the Noise with Maria

"We're in this together"

He further added that an acquaintance once encouraged him to get a girlfriend after Mavis was diagnosed with dementia.

“My favorite thing was, this is the most Hollywood thing, a guy said to me: ‘So, are you going to get a girlfriend now?’” he said. “I have a girlfriend. I’m married! I’ve been married for 45 years! He’s like, ‘Yeah, but, you know…’ No. We are in this together… You can’t… ‘Honey, I’m seeing my girlfriend, I’ll be back later.' It was just the most Hollywood thing. It made me laugh.”

But to many people — who responded on social media — this suggestion was rightly appalling.

"That’s how screwed up Hollywood is. WTH kind of question is that?" wrote one commenter on X.

Another stated, "Why a disgusting question. Marriage is sickness and health. You don’t give up on your spouse because they’re sick."

Leno then explained that knows he is doing the right thing by caring for his wife, which he said 'stuns' people because culturally, that is no longer the norm.

"We just make a big deal when you're just doing the right thing, because you're supposed to," he said. "That used to be the norm. And then when you strayed, that was the out-of-whack part. Now the out-of-whack part is fairly common, and staying and doing what you're supposed to do is stunning to people."

"I enjoy going home"

Leno also pointed out that he isn't simply caring for his wife out of obligation; he remains happily in love with her.

“Making my wife laugh is still one of my primary things, and you figure out how to do it," he said. "The other night, we’re lying in bed, and Mavis says, it’s like two o’clock, and she says, ‘Honey, I love you.’ I said, ‘You’re having a nightmare, go back to bed,’ and she thought that was the funniest thing, she just couldn’t stop laughing. To me, that’s what’s fun: ‘Oh, I got a laugh out.’ I enjoy that. I try to come up with stupid jokes.”

He said Mavis still recognizes him, and he tries to keep her happy by keeping the mood at home uplifting. Leno also said he has been surprised by how much he enjoys taking care of her each day.

"Changing somebody is not the most romantic thing you can do, but you realize it doesn’t get more intimate than that if you still care for the person," he explained. "I just find myself going, ‘OK, this is not that bad,’ and I enjoy going home. I don’t take the long way home and arrive late. I get home as soon as I can and I enjoy taking care of her and trying to come up with things she likes and things to make her laugh.”

Zoom Out:

Leno thankfully isn't alone in setting an example of how to love a spouse with dementia.

John Lydon, the rock star better known as "Johnny Rotten," expressed similar sentiments. Lydon had been married to his wife, Nora Forster, for over 40 years until her death from Alzheimer's disease. Lydon remained her caretaker, and spoke openly about remaining devoted to her, even as her condition deteriorated.

“It’s quite the experience we’re going through,” he said shortly before her death. “Anything can crop up at any time and you have to be attuned to it. We know that she’s going to slowly deteriorate into something catastrophic, and then death. But she will enjoy every step of it, and I’m here to make sure of that because she’d do the same for me. It’s not all tear-jerky and sad. A lot of it is very joyful. Nora has always been the greatest example of how to enjoy life, she’s very vivacious and very open and very tender, and those things are not going away.”

Why It Matters:

People like Leno and Lydon make a big difference by speaking positively about caring for their spouses with dementia. Culturally, it is rare to hear such public statements; more often, people who have degenerative diseases are described as being better off dead.

People with dementia and Alzheimer’s are increasingly pressured toward assisted suicide, while people who murder their spouses in so-called "mercy killings" are romanticized, their actions excused as if caring for someone with an illness is such a burden that they cannot be blamed for murder.

Additionally, it is encouraging to see marriage vows taken seriously — "in sickness and in health." As more young people spurn marriage (some because they have experienced the trauma of broken homes), Leno and Lydon are examples of what true love and commitment to another person in marriage should truly look like.

This is something our increasingly self-focused society needs to see.

The Bottom Line:

People with Alzheimer’s and dementia, as both Leno and Lydon pointed out, do not lose their value and dignity. They are human beings deserving of love, dignity, and kindness.