The Kids are Not Alright: How a warped worldview has led couples to spurn parenthood

The number of adult couples choosing to get married yet intentionally maintain a child-free life as "Double-Income No Kids" (DINK) couples is increasing. But what does their reasoning say about our culture and the future of our country?

Read parts one and two of this series.

Key Takeaways:

• The number of couples who say they plan to never have children is rising in the United States.

• Many say they enjoy being able to spend money and time on personal luxuries, like dining out, vacations, and hobbies.

• The focus solely on one's own personal pleasures and experiences is becoming more common.

The Details:

A recent Pew Research Center study found that, between 2018 and 2023, the percentage of U.S. adults under 50 without kids who say they’ll never have kids rose from 37% to 47%. This lines up with other research. As Live Action News has previously pointed out, marriage and parenthood have been delayed, if not avoided altogether, among younger generations.

This includes for Gen Z; among all political persuasions, this generation prioritizes things like financial independence and having enough money to do whatever they wish, over marriage and family. This mindset was further illustrated in a recent Buzzfeed article, in which DINK couples revealed what they love about their child-free lives. It was a collection of goals that largely involved a life focusing on self-gratification above all else.

Many extolled their free time to do things like take naps or pursue hobbies:

"Honestly, it is awesome. We have no kids and no pets, with pretty good PTO, so we can go anywhere and do pretty much anything we want ... We do little weekend trips on the fly, but most of all, it is so peaceful. If I want to sleep in on the weekends, I can. We openly leave hazards out. I like to make stuff, and I can leave paint thinner, tools, etc, out, and it is no big deal." 

"Things are pretty solid: No debt, nice cars, big house, no financial worries. Any time we want to do something (within reason), we can. Any time we want to buy something (within reason), we can. We can experiment with hobbies without worry. Even relatively expensive ones."

"The biggest things aside from financial freedom are time. We nap when we want, sleep in if we feel like it, and go on long walks every afternoon. I go to the gym without having to arrange a specific time, my husband enjoys gardening for hours, and we watch whatever TV/movies we feel like watching. It’s really a nice, quiet life."

"Just got back from Iceland, planning Japan now for this winter, as well as a few snowboard trips and Coachella and Mexico. We usually go on a vacation every month. We eat incredible food, attend fundraising events, have fulfilling hobbies, are in great shape, and have an amazing social life. We sit on multiple boards and work multiple fulfilling jobs in engineering, media, health care, and fitness."

Others insinuated that their parenting friends secretly hate their own lives:

"Looking at our friends who do have kids, we often hear them say that they love their kids, but they often regret having kids in some ways. I do appreciate that freedom that they miss. We travel worry-free and enjoy not having the extensive costs of supporting extra humans."

"Extra" humans??

"I genuinely have never met someone who made the choice to NOT have kids and then regretted it. On the other hand, parents who regret it generally won't admit to their 'mistake,' but I've gathered that a lot of them might make a different choice if they had a do-over."

"I’ve never heard a single pro for having a child that can compete with any of the reasons not to. Want less money, more mouths to feed, no free time & considerably more stress? Have a kid."

Investing time and energy into the lives of others does require more effort than... you know... napping whenever you want.

"They avoided one trap. They still face inflation and price gouged rent and capitalism, but they fell for one less scam. Most people who have children are miserable."

What, exactly, is the "scam," and who is perpetuating it?

It's a similar mindset as that expressed by singer Chappell Roan, who recently said in an interview, "All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I actually don’t know anyone who’s happy and has children at this age… I have, like, [friends with] a one-year-old, three-year-old, four and under, five and under… I’ve literally not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, who has slept.”

Why It Matters:

A regular theme through the DINK responses is that parenthood is too difficult, too stressful, and prevents one from doing the things they want to do; in other words, parenthood forces them to live a life not entirely focused upon themselves.

This is a common issue, where western cultures have become increasingly self-obsessed and self-focused rather than community-focused — and this is the result.

The unwillingness to sacrifice, or endure anything that might be difficult or stressful, is a big issue. It is true that parenthood is inherently stressful and requires a lot of hard work. Yet the most meaningful achievements are those that include a level of sacrifice — and sometimes, even suffering.

As Allie Beth Stuckey said in response to Chappell Roan:

“The reality is… we should be talking more positively about parenting.

It’s not that it doesn’t require sacrifice. It’s not that it’s not hard. It’s not that we don’t have sleepless nights. It’s just that the joy and the happiness and the goodness children bring our lives is so much deeper and better than all of the hardship that comes with parenting.

And here’s the thing that a lot of people don’t realize today: things don’t have to be easy in order to be good.”

— Allie Beth Stuckey

Zoom Out:

Live Action founder and president Lila Rose recently appeared on the Ellen Fisher podcast, where she debated Erika Abdelatif, co-host of The Dinky Podcast and an advocate for the DINK lifestyle. As Rose pointed out, we are called to more than just self-fulfillment:

"We're called, I think, as human beings to love other people and our ability to think outside of ourself and turn our love and focus to someone else the way we were maybe mothered, to help other people is kind of a universal vocation."

Rose further noted that historically, there are countless examples of people choosing not to get married or have children, but their reasoning was to better give back to their churches and communities, not so they could go on as many vacations as they wanted or sleep in on weekends. Even without having children, is it truly good for an individual's priority to be their own self-fulfillment?

Rose added:

"We do share a universal vocation, like I was talking about earlier, to love. And that looks like a radical self-gift to other people in the end. And we're born into families. We're all born here into families. And we're called to love family and serve family. But there are other people that may choose to not have their own family in order to serve families. And that can be really beautiful."

Rose also argued that society does not respect and value motherhood the way it previously did, even as marriage and motherhood is known to increase happiness:

"The social data shows us that couples with children, as an example, are 11% higher on the happiness self-ranking than couples without children.

And then married adults are 17% more likely to report being thriving than single adults, right? So there is social data that shows you that motherhood, marriage — these things are good for the human person where they're natural for us. 

But when there's these societal messages saying, you don't need a man or children are a burden, and they're going to be such a weight, you can't handle it, I think that is actually really poisonous messaging for women today."

She acknowledged that motherhood is difficult, but that only serves to make it more meaningful.

"I'm not going to pretend it's like life is easy, every day is a vacation. But every day is incredibly beautiful and meaningful. I'm not going to sit here and pretend motherhood is easy or motherhood and managing work and economic contributions to the household, while also managing support of the community, like bringing a meal over to a friend and volunteer work — It's full. It's full. But I would say that fullness is what's beautiful, and I think, good for most women. And again, to tell women that you can't be giving back to your community, you can't do meaningful work and be a mother, I don't think that's true."

They’re Lying To You About Motherhood! *EMOTIONAL* DEBATE on growing rejection of traditional roles.

The Bottom Line:

Not everyone may be called to be a parent, but the overall spurning of parenthood and family life is a disturbing trend. Being a parent should be seen a positive thing, something that is a net good for society and the family, to which most people should strive to achieve. Instead, children are increasingly seen as burdens, with a self-focused life held up as the ideal.

Go Deeper:

Read the first two articles in this series below:

• The Kids Are Not Alright: Has divorce trauma led generations to deprioritize marriage and family?

• The Kids are Not Alright: Gen Z most anxious about future, spurns marriage and kids