Kay felt the shame of her abortion like a ‘scarlet letter’ until she confessed her secret

At 19, Kay Kiefer had completed a year of college but couldn’t afford to continue so she got a job. Her high school boyfriend, with whom she had been sexually active for three years, was attending college four hours away. Kiefer never thought she would experience an unexpected pregnancy – until it happened.

“I was lulled into a sense of security,” Kiefer told Live Action News. “But I had missed my period and was starting to experience physical symptoms consistent with pregnancy, so I went to the doctor to confirm.”

She had always dreamed of getting married and having a family. While she had friends who had abortions, she never thought she’d ever make that choice. 

“I wasn’t in a place where I could raise a child,” Kiefer said. “My boyfriend and I weren’t dating exclusively, and I didn’t have a college degree, I was just working a retail job.”

A pregnancy without a husband would bring shame, and she felt her only option was to have an abortion. “My boyfriend said he would take care of the arrangements and pay for it,” Kiefer said.

She traveled to the city where he was attending school to have the abortion, and he accompanied her to the clinic. She could feel his tension as he waited with her.

“More children someday”

“I remember a woman with a small child crying as we waited,” Kiefer said. “I cried in the procedure room and a nurse grabbed my hand and told me I’d have more children someday.”

After that day, Kiefer only told one friend about her abortion. A year later, she ended the relationship with her boyfriend.

When she met the man who would be her husband, terrible thoughts plagued her.

“I believed that God would never allow me to have children,” she said. “I deserved to be punished for what I had done.”

She knew he wanted a family, so she decided to give him an “out” by confiding in him about her abortion and her fear that she might be unable to have children with him.

“He was very sympathetic,” Kiefer said. “His feelings for me never wavered and we married.”

A year later, she and her husband were blessed to become pregnant. They went on to have three children together.

Revealing her secret

Though she had accepted Christ in her mid-20’s, she had held on to the shame of her abortion. Her sin was just too unforgivable, she thought, and it was her burden to bear.

Each year, as the holidays loomed, she began to morph into a person she didn’t recognize. “I would be this unbearable person to be around,” Kiefer said. “I would become depressed and start fighting with everyone around me.

She scheduled an appointment with a Christian counselor who helped her connect the dots between her abortion and her behavior.

“My counselor reminded me that I had the abortion in January, right after the holiday season,” Kiefer said. “As much as I wanted to deny it, it started to click with me. She went further and said that if I continued to keep the abortion a secret, Satan would continue to have a hold over me. But I told her I was okay with it — that it hadn’t really affected me.”

At the time, she was working at the pregnancy support center as a nurse, helping pregnant women every day. She said, “I even told one abortion minded woman that she’d regret making that decision.”

Gradually, she began to reveal her secret to her co-workers and clients, but kept it concealed from friends and family. “I just avoided talking about the word abortion,” Kiefer said. “I felt like I had a scarlet letter emblazoned on my forehead.”

Yet she knew the only way to heal was to lance a wound that had been festering for a long time. When her counselor urged her to tell her parents and children, she felt as if the world would come to an end if she did. 

“It was going to be an impossible decision to make, telling my loved ones what an awful thing I had done,” Kiefer said. “I was fearful my mother would blame herself. But I didn’t want them to hear it from someone else, and I felt God urging me to break the silence.”

She wrote an open letter to her parents and children, telling them about the abortion, expressing her regrets at what she had done, apologizing for failing to be upfront with them. Then, she sat down with them and read the letter.

“That one act grew my faith,” Kiefer said. “My family accepted my confession, offering their love and support. It helped my children understand why I was so against drugs and premarital sex.”

Helping Other Women 

Free from the burden of secrecy, she started speaking out, first as a guest speaker at a one-day seminar with pastors and priests during a 40 Days for Life campaign.

“I was part of a panel of those who had been impacted by abortion,” she said. “It was scary for me because I hadn’t spoken out previously, but I believe churches need to be addressing the issue of abortion regularly, so this was a great opportunity.”

She’s come to realize that Christ can offer her the redemption that had alluded her. Her mission now is to assist churches in reaching post-abortive women so they, too, can find healing through her ministry, We are Everywhere.

“So many women have been impacted by abortion,” Kiefer said. “We are everywhere and that’s why it’s so important to reach women through places of worship with a message of hope and mercy. I will continue to knock on church doors armed with a ministry toolkit to help support pastors in this mission.”

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