‘Face to Face’: Children conceived by IVF question its ethics with parents who used IVF

In the latest episode of Live Action’s “Face to Face” series, children conceived via in vitro fertilization (IVF) wrestle with the ethical dilemmas of IVF with parents who used the reproductive technology to conceive.

Live Action founder and president Lila Rose moderated the discussion, in which both sides of the panel expressed the pain that IVF has wrought in their lives in different ways.

“We just suffered in isolation”

Katie McMahon struggled with infertility and adopted her oldest daughter. But doctors recommended IVF for infertility, and two children were conceived. At first, she said she had some reservations about the process, but after going through infertility for so long, she was desperate. “We just suffered in isolation,” she said.

Today, she has a difficult time accepting the decision to pursue IVF.

“I willingly chose for my children to be harmed,” she admitted. “I chose this path. And who does that? There’s not any excuse, but it hurts to know that I chose that.” Today, she said she even grieves for her living children due to their conception, as well as for the children who died in the process.

Ethical Dilemmas of IVF: Real Stories from Parents and Children

“You get so scared”

Ericka Andersen also used IVF after infertility, through which she was able to have two children.

She didn’t know anyone else who had experienced infertility, which she said left her uninformed about the process.

“Every Sunday, I was going to church, everywhere I went, in Target… it seemed like everyone was pregnant, and I would just break down crying,” she said. “And I just thought, ‘Why not me? Why can’t I get pregnant?’ And my whole dream, ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted to be was a mom. And you get so scared that you’re not going to get that.”

While she knew that extra embryos could be created through IVF, she didn’t realize how many could be made — and she added that no one at the clinic informed her about the “weight of what that would mean, and the kinds of decisions I would have to make later.” She prayed that she would create three embryos, have three babies, and then be finished with the entire process.

“But I was more concerned about having a baby than listening to that inner voice, that was telling me to think twice,” she admitted.

While Andersen said she takes responsibility for the choices she made, she also added that the industry is completely out of control, with many parents walking through IVF unaware of what’s happening behind closed doors — from how many embryos are created, to how staffers will test them and grade them.

“We’re selecting out imperfect humans,” she said. “That alone is wrong.” She said she speaks out now so that others can be more informed than she was.

“All those other lives… didn’t even get a chance”

Thailer Nielson said her parents were told their only option to have a baby was IVF. They saved for a long time to be able to afford it, but the process was so hard on her mother that they only felt they could go through with one round.

As a mother herself, who understands what happens during every step of pregnancy, she said she can’t support it.

“Being conceived of IVF, I feel grateful for my life,” she said, adding:

I feel so blessed, I really am. But at the same time, there’s all those other lives. They didn’t even get a chance to experience love, life, happiness, their own children, meeting someone special, the comfort of a mother.

And so that’s rough, because regardless of what people want to argue about, about what stage of development is important, they were lives who had a plan. There was a plan for them. And they were deserving to at least have been given a chance.

“I have to say something for those that got left behind”

Chelsey Painter Davis was conceived through IVF, which she said she learned early on as a child. But her experience made her want to advocate for her siblings and others like them, who were created and then never given the chance to be born.

“I was one of four rounds of IVF for my parents,” she said. “Then on the fourth round, the IVF clinic offered her the option of what to do with the embryos, because she didn’t know, she wasn’t really informed on these issues. So she chose, with my dad, to destroy the remaining embryos, honestly not really knowing what she was doing. I feel like I have to say something for those that got left behind.”

Still, she felt sympathy for what her mother went through with infertility — yet she said it does not excuse what happens through the IVF process. “I cannot pretend it’s OK for the bad things in these IVF clinics to continue happening, just because they like to hide behind with their marketing team — oh, we’re just helping couples have babies,” she said. “Because there’s a lot darker things happening in those clinics.”

She said she realized she couldn’t support IVF once she realized embryos were being destroyed on purpose. “My body may have been manufactured in a laboratory, but my life was created by God,” she said. “People like me deserve to be treated like something more than someone else’s science experiment.”

Watch the entire video to see the rest of their emotional discussion.