A woman conceived via a sperm donor recently spoke with Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse of The Ruth Institute about her experience and her thoughts on donor conception, including that "everything about it is gross to me" and that it does a "disservice and injustice to the child."

Key Takeaways:

• Kathryn Francisco, who was donor-conceived, spoke with Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse about how she learned of her origins.

• She said that even though people tried to tell her how loved she was, she "felt like trash."

• She called donor conception "degrading" to the child.

The Details:

Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse of The Ruth Institute recently interviewed Kathryn Francisco, who learned at age 22 that she was conceived using donor sperm.

Her father, who raised her, confessed to her he was not her biological father. He had been distancing himself from her that year after her full brother, also donor-conceived, asked their parents how he was conceived.

After her brother, Matt, learned he was donor-conceived, he told his parents they also had to tell Francisco about her origins within eight months, or he planned to do so himself.

When Francisco found out, she went outside, cried, called her brother, and then went to a friend's house and told her and her family what had happened.

Francisco explained, "[My friend's] mom said, 'You are so loved.' I just... I didn't feel loved. I felt like trash, so it was very confusing because these feelings I was having and my reaction were so different from what this woman told me. And then in college, my friends were like, 'I don't see the big deal.' And it just seemed like no one was getting it."

The Child's Side of Donor Conception

Francisco said there had been small signs that something was off, like no one in her family had her nose — until her own daughter was born.

She doesn't feel that there was a lot of thought from her parents as to how being donor-conceived might affect the children who were conceived.

Francisco told Morse:

"When you know both of your parents, and you come from them, there's this kind of jive in how you see the world and how you understand the world and how you interact with the world. It's not just based on values and how you're raised. It's also based on who you are and genetics.

I would never advise someone to use donor conception, ever. It's morally wrong on several levels. It's degrading to the child, it's degrading to the spouse who's not related, it's degrading to the donor. It's fueling family separation.

We know that biological mothers and fathers matter to children...."

Why It Matters:

Francisco is not alone. Many donor-conceived individuals have spoken out about how learning about their conception sent them into an identity crisis. They say they feel as though they were "mass-produced," and struggle with learning they have hundreds of siblings.

One man conceived using an egg donor explained it all, saying,

I am egg donor conceived. Male. I found out when I was 16… now in my mid 20’s. Years and years later I still wonder and ponder, “who is my REAL Mother”… where is she? Is she even alive? Would she accept me for who I am? My current Mother… well growing up never accepted me… or even really cared to grow a bond with me (favortizes [sic] my 3 sisters; yes I’m a Quadruplet). It makes sense why now.

There is a massive dIsconnection due to IVF. My relationship with my father has always been the greater of the two.

I wish to one day meet her. Talk with her, even if it’s for 5 minutes. You know who you are….

He concluded that due to his own pain, he intended to do things differently.

"God has blessed my wife & I in being able to have children naturally, and it has been the most wonderful experience so far. I WILL give my children what I never had growing up and still am suffering with. Hurt. Wounds. Depression. Anxiety. And the 'unknown' of my identity."