Woman recounts grandmother's euthanasia: 'She thought she was a burden'

A woman has shared that her grandmother chose to die by euthanasia because she was scared of being a burden. Her grandmother's death, however, has negatively affected her own mental health.

Key Takeaways:

• "Dying to Meet You," a project founded by Amanda Achtman, is dedicated to humanizing the conversation about suffering and death.

• A woman named Lovanie shared the story of her grandmother's euthanasia death as part of the project.

• Lovanie's grandmother was scared of being a burden on her loved ones and felt ashamed of having to be taken care of instead of being the caretaker.

The Details:

In her interview with Achtman, Lovanie (whose last name was not shared), spoke about her relationship with her grandmother, and how it felt when Lovanie learned she had chosen to die.

"She was a woman who liked to keep her distance, but she was still tender at heart," Lovanie said. "She was reliable and she was strong, and then when she said she wanted euthanasia, I just felt like she gave up."

While her grandmother's illness was not named, Lovanie shared how the illness made her grandmother feel like she was a burden on her family.

"It was undoubtedly the fear of pain, the fear of embarrassment, the fear of shame, that could bring for her the loss of strength," Lovanie said of her grandmother's decision to be euthanized. "She was no longer the matriarch that she used to be. She was dependent on people to dress, to feed, to just move in her bed. She was well regulated on medication, but she was so afraid of the future. All the kids, all the grandkids, we wanted to be there for her. She was afraid of seeming weak, even though we were all ganging up to help her."

Lovanie said her grandmother's death had a devastating effect on her.

My Grandmother Chose MAID | Lovanie's Story

"It was really hard because I had also struggled with mental health in the past few years," she said. "Why should I just keep swimming? Why should I just keep climbing? It's no use if the strongest person in my life chose to give up."

Yet Lovanie also acknowledged that her grandmother could never have foreseen how her euthanasia would impact her family.

"I think in that moment of vulnerability, she just thought, 'I am a burden, my health is stopping everybody else's life from going forward, and I will just remove myself from this,'" she said. And now, Lovanie worries that the rest of her family will see euthanasia as something acceptable if life becomes difficult.

"The dignity would have been for her to be able to stay with her family... and realize how much we loved her and cared for her willingly, not as a burden," Lovanie said.

Zoom Out:

Assisted suicide and euthanasia are increasingly becoming culturally acceptable, and have been legalized in countries around the world. In Canada specifically, where Achtman is focused, it is especially prolific.

Assisted suicide is touted as a dignified way for people to die peacefully and without pain, but most people do not opt for euthanasia because they fear a long, painful death. Instead, data has found that the most people who opt for assisted death cite a fear of losing autonomy and of being unable to enjoy the same activities as before. Other studies have found that — as Lovanie suggested — people more often fear becoming a burden on their loved ones.

The Bottom Line:

Suicide is not empowering, and yet, those who are vulnerable (the ill, the elderly, the disabled) are often targets for the culture of death. The truth is, their lives are just as much worth living, and just as valuable, as the young and able-bodied.