A woman recently discussed how she intentionally sought out a sperm donor to become pregnant while she was 18 years old and living in a homeless shelter, not caring how many other half-siblings her child might have.
Key Takeaways:
- On the “Love, Don’t Judge” YouTube channel, Kai and her now-wife, Dee, explained how they had children.
- Both women were homeless and living in separate shelters when Kai sought out a sperm donor and inseminated herself, becoming pregnant on the first try.
- The couple has since used the same sperm donor to conceive another child.
- They know their children may have up to 200 half-siblings.
The Details:
Now 24 and 26, Kai and Dee said they began dating in high school, and at 18, Kai decided she wanted to have a child.
She looked to Google to find a sperm donor and found one who would provide sperm for free. She became pregnant almost immediately. “I was in shock because I didn’t think it would work the first time by inserting a diva cup in me, and I would just get pregnant,” she said. “I never knew that was possible.”
Both Kai and Dee were homeless at the time.
After getting pregnant, Kai moved into a maternity home. “They just wished that I kind of waited a little longer before trying considering the situation I was in,” Kai admitted. “When I was homeless, it’s not like I was on the street. It was just like I was in the homeless shelters. It was kind of hard because me and her were separated at first. So it was just me in a pregnancy shelter and it was my first experience being pregnant. I was alone.”
Kai was still homeless when their first child, a girl they named Kaidee, was born.
The women eventually secured an apartment together.
In the video, both women are seen showing their daughters a picture on a cell phone, asking if they know who it is, to which the little girls said yes. “It’s your donor, right?” Kai asked them. “And you know the ‘diblings’ you meet, right?”
The two girls have many half-siblings, or “diblings” for donor siblings, as Kai refers to them. “I would say in total, we might know 80 to 100,” Kai said. “I don’t know the whole 200.”
Currently, the women say they are in the process of trying to conceive two more children.
Why It Matters:
The fertility industry around the world is largely unregulated, allowing even individuals without stable homes to intentionally try to conceive children simply based on whatever those adults want as opposed to what children need. And children having hundreds, if not thousands, of siblings is not just an interesting aside; it can be legitimately harmful, both psychologically and through the risk of accidental incest.
Children are human beings who are treated as “transactions” and as products to which people feel entitled, with little concern for the fact that a child might want to actually known and have her own biological father in her life. In fact, there seems to be little concerns as to what is in the best interest of the child at all in such a situation.
The Bottom Line:
This story is a prime example of one of the major problems with the fertility industry: it prioritizes the wants of parents over the needs of children. And children deserve to be treated as human beings, not as transactions to be processed whenever someone wants them. A Harvard Medical School study found that 62% of children conceived through donor technologies believe it to be unethical and immoral; those voices should be heard far more than they currently are.
“I am a human being, yet I was conceived with a technique that had its origins in animal husbandry,” one donor-conceived person wrote in a book for Anonymous Us. “Worst of all, farmers kept better records of their cattle’s genealogy than assisted reproductive clinics … how could the doctors, sworn to ‘first do no harm’ create a system where I now face the pain and loss of my own identity and heritage?”
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