Parents approve their suicidal teen daughter's death via starvation

Dutch parents whose teenage daughter had been diagnosed with so-called "incurable" depression approved her decision to pursue euthanasia, and ultimately, kill herself through voluntary stopping of eating and drinking (VSED).

Key Takeaways:

• Omar and Cissy Dekker's daughter Iris struggled with depression throughout her life, and carried out multiple suicide attempts.

• Iris applied for euthanasia at the age of 16, which is allowed without parental consent under Dutch law; however, her parents did not disapprove of her desire to die.

• Ultimately, Iris chose to stop pursuing treatment and opted for VSED, dying just short of her 20th birthday.

The Details:

Omar and Cissy Dekker spoke to Rupa Subramanya of The Free Press about their daughter, Iris, who had lifelong struggles with depression, suicidal ideation, and a diagnosis of functional neurologic disorder (FND), which includes symptoms such as weakness or paralysis, seizures, and vision problems. Cissy said each day, when she asked Iris if she needed anything before leaving for work, Iris would reply, “Can you put a pillow over my head so I can die? Please make my suffering stop.” They likewise described her eyes as "empty" and a "black hole of depression."

By 15, Iris had unsuccessfully attempted to commit suicide twice, and her psychologist's suggestion was not more intensive treatment, but euthanasia, which was presented as a more "humane" way for Iris to die. Dutch law allows children to apply for euthanasia without requiring parental approval at the age of 16, and once she turned 16, Iris applied, though her parents supported her decision.

“I thought, if it stops her from trying to kill herself, then it’s okay,” Omar said. “Maybe she’ll get better with more treatment.”

Iris considered seeking treatment for several more years, with her medical records acknowledging  “persistent euthanasia wish” and “high levels of suffering,” though they did not describe her condition as untreatable. She was placed on a waiting list for euthanasia. In the meantime, she tried ketamine treatment and electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), but it was not in an effort to improve her condition.

“She wanted to make sure she had tried everything—so the euthanasia clinic couldn’t reject her application,” Omar said. And yet nothing seemed to work.

“Every time, the list of treatments got shorter, and all of a sudden, everything was already done, and nothing seemed to be helping,” Cissy said. “Every time, I had to admit it didn’t work.”

Doctors said her depression was "treatment resistant," though this is not something the greater medical community supports. As Jim van Os, a psychiatrist at the University Medical Center Utrecht, told The Free Press, “Everybody begins to converge on the idea that the situation is hopeless—the doctors, the parents, the patient. And then euthanasia starts to appear as the only solution.”

On a 2025 trip to Scotland, Iris told her parents she was ready to die, saying:

I don’t feel any difference. I still have the wish to die. It’s not going to get better here for me.

I’ve had everything. I’ve had a good life. I have good friends. I have loving parents. I worked in a bakery when I was 14—it was the best job I’ve ever had. I know I’m going to be sick for the rest of my life. I’m not getting better. For me, life is fulfilled. It’s completed.

But when she didn't hear back from the euthanasia clinic, Iris decided to pursue VSED instead. In the Netherlands, this is part of the medical system for people who cannot be euthanized. Iris was placed in hospice at the age of 19.

“It’s very hard as a mother that your child doesn’t want to live anymore, but I knew this was not the life I had in mind for her when I gave birth to her,” Cissy said.

Omar added, "I don’t want her to leave this world. But if I stopped her from dying, it would only be for my own ego, and not for her. The doctors had already told us there was nothing that could be done."

As her condition worsened while in hospice, doctors broached the idea of terminal sedation, to which Iris agreed. She died just five days before her 20th birthday. “She looked so happy,” Omar said. “I couldn’t give her more love than letting her go.”

The Big Picture:

Child psychiatrists in the Netherlands have warned against allowing euthanasia for cases like Iris' and instead recommend a "not now" approach for people under 25 struggling with mental illness. They cited several reasons, including brain development, peer influence, social media, and the potential for improvement in treatments.

And yet euthanasia for mental illness has become appallingly common in the Netherlands. Multiple people are known to have been killed for depression or similar mental health issues.

The only requirement for euthanasia in the Netherlands is for someone to have what is described as "unbearable and hopeless suffering," with children as young as 12 eligible. Eight people under 25 died by euthanasia based on mental health concerns alone in 2023, 13 in 2024, and seven in 2025.

The Bottom Line:

Assisted suicide and euthanasia make victims of the most vulnerable people in society, like Iris. Those struggling with illness, disability, and mental health issues are all too often told they are better off dead.