A woman who told her story on the website AbortionChangesYou.com was married with two children when she and her husband agreed not to have any more. But she got pregnant again, and felt excited. She wanted to keep the baby. Her husband, however, felt differently:
I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal then, we loved each other, wanted to be together forever … we had good jobs, we could do this. It would be chaotic, stressful, hard, yet it was our child so why worry. But he did. He would not touch me for weeks…. [H]e would barely speak to me, barely come around me. If I tried to bring the pregnancy up he’d jump away and say he didn’t want to talk about it… he was mostly absent, always finding something to do out of the house.
Finally, in anger, she yelled at her husband, “Why are you acting this way? Do you want me to get an abortion?” He replied, “No but if that’s what you want then I have the money in my pocket! I’ll give it to you right now.”
My heart almost stopped. Because I knew in that moment that he meant it. Never had my mind ever entertained the idea of abortion. I loved this man, I loved our children. It would be hard, difficult, but we would be fine, we had each other was my mindset… I knew in my heart that I did not want to do this.
But she feared that if she didn’t abort, he would leave her to raise three children by herself. When she drove to the abortion facility, she said, “I wanted him to stop me. I wanted him to tell me it would be alright. But he did not.”
She saw her baby after taking the abortion pill at 8 1/2 weeks, and it was traumatic for her:
I felt my baby slip from my uterus, into the toilet, full of blood, me wanting to retrieve her but to weak [sic] to barely stand, pain so throbbing I could barely walk. I flushed the toilet, tears streaming down, I asked for forgiveness. That instance I knew I had changed. My life had changed forever. What innocence I had left had just escaped me along with my dying baby.
Three years later, she regrets her abortion and her marriage seems headed for divorce:
I can barely touch my husband. I feel such resentment towards him. He says he regrets the decision. But does he? Or is it because he knows the pain it has caused me. Not a day passes that I don’t grieve for my child.
It has in a sense destroyed me, my marriage, my life. I try to hold it together for my other children but it’s so difficult … I grieve for my unborn child… I hate myself and can not [sic] forgive myself for not protecting my child. For not speaking up and being more vocal about what I WANTED instead of what someone else wanted.
Her love for her husband is gone and she feels only anger towards him:
The rage I feel is becoming uncontrollable. I know my marriage is unwinding and my children’s lives are going to be raked through a divorce because I can’t forgive my husband for not being the man he promised to be…. My husband is a good man but I can not find the love for him after this mistake.
Nothing is harder, NOTHING IS HARDER than abortion regret. The sleepless nights, the teething, the terrible twos, the teenager years, nothing is worse than not having your child, that by your hand, its heartbeat no longer beats.
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