Stephanie Gray Connors: ‘Alleviate suffering without eliminating people’

Pro-life activist and international speaker Stephanie Gray Connors spoke at Live Action’s Women’s Summit: Return to Eden last month, during which she equipped attendees with tips for engaging people in discussing topics like abortion and IVF.

She reminded them that being a “good ambassador” for life requires “knowledge, wisdom, and character” and that we must talk to others about how to alleviate suffering, not eliminate people:

Is IVF Pro-Life? | Stephanie Gray Connors at the Live Action Women's Summit

Key Takeaways:

• Gray Connors encouraged attendees to take a conversational approach to tackling hard topics like abortion and IVF.

• She instructed them in the “artful method of wisdom” in conversing about both topics.

• She explained that there is no such thing as “ethical” IVF.

• She also acknowledged the deep pain and suffering behind both abortion and IVF.

The Details:

To be a “good ambassador” for life, Gray Connors spoke to the audience about the “artful method of communication,” especially when conversing about tough topics like abortion and IVF.

Conversational approach to abortion

Gray Connors led the audience through a sample conversation with an abortion supporter, in which she used simple questions to drive home the reality that the preborn child is a human being, fully deserving of rights.

“[T]he first question I would ask them is, ‘Do you believe in human rights?'” she said. Most people will respond “Yes,” which leads to the next question — “Who gets those human rights?” This sets the foundation for exploring the idea that all humans, including the preborn, are worthy and deserving of rights.

“Why should our personhood be grounded in how old we are?” she asked. “Shouldn’t it be grounded in the idea that we are all members of the human family?”

She instructed attendees that the “artful method of wisdom” means realizing that people who are passionate about abortion often have a story behind their passion, as she recounted a debate she had with a young man who then told her that if his mother hadn’t aborted his older sibling, he never would have been born:

It’s in moments where things get personal, whether the person has revealed it as he did or whether they have yet to reveal, but seem quite passionate, that we want to ask questions that show compassionate curiosity and give them an opportunity to share more of where they’re coming from.

To say things like, “I’m sorry.” What does someone who has your experience want someone who has my experience to understand? What does someone who thinks like you want someone who thinks like me to understand?

Or to ask a question like, do you think it’s possible for something and someone good to come even out of terrible things?

Gray Connors told attendees that even the angriest pro-abortion advocate is made in the image and likeness of God, reminding them that discussing abortion with such a person is “an opportunity to look in their face and see the eyes of Christ and to love with the eyes of Christ.”

The ethical dilemmas of IVF

Gray Conners also told attendees that it’s important to engage people on the topic of IVF.

“If you have 15 embryos created — two inserted, 13 left over — some might be frozen, but most won’t be,” she said. “That means 13 human persons will lose their lives … And we can ask the question, ‘how can that be ethical?'”

She addressed well-meaning Christians who propose ‘ethical IVF’ with only a few embryos and no freezing.

“What about human error?” she asked. “Even with precautions, wrong gametes can be used.”

More fundamentally, she argued, “Humans ought not be manufactured. We should be begotten, not made.”

She noted every process of IVF happens in isolation, “but we are called to a communion of persons.”

Suffering, meaning, and love

Finally, Gray Connors acknowledged the deep pain and suffering behind both abortion and IVF. “It is a wounded culture, and people are suffering deeply,” she said.

“People pursue the unethical paths of abortion or IVF when we have a disordered understanding of how we ought to respond to suffering. And the solution is to inject a right ordered understanding of suffering.”

“How can we alleviate suffering without eliminating people?” she asked.

If we understand suffering rightly, she concluded, we’ll be empowered to respond with “creativity, meaning, and love”— and in doing so, “we can change the world.”

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