Pro-choice therapist: Some men ‘carry a great deal of grief’ over abortions

Pro-choice therapist Kim Kluger-Bell says the following in her book, “Unspeakable Losses: Healing from Miscarriage, Abortion, and Other Pregnancy Loss“:

Because it is not socially acceptable for men to have intense reactions to [the loss of their aborted children], however, it is typical for them to dissociate from their feelings about the baby who was lost. They tend to feel it is not their place to grieve deeply for their loss, or even to have their own voice heard in the decision-making process about a particular pregnancy.

This means that men’s losses cannot be consciously dealt with but are often “acted out” instead….

I have known other men in my practice who have discovered many years after an abortion that they still carry a great deal of grief over this kind of loss. There is simply no place for them to speak about it…Men, like women, need to seek out opportunities to remember, honor, and speak about the pregnancy losses and abortions they are party to. And we all need to listen.

When people write about post-abortion trauma, they usually refer to women, the mothers of the aborted babies. But many pro-life groups have acknowledged that fathers can suffer a great deal as well.


Kim Kluger-Bell Unspeakable Losses: Healing from Miscarriage, Abortion, and Other Pregnancy Loss (New York: Harper, 1998)  116-117

Editor’s Note: If you are a man dealing with an abortion situation, see “Abortion and Men: What’s a Father to Do?

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