She never conceived again after her abortion, but God redeemed it all

Abortion robbed her of the chance to be a mother, but after God redeemed her, she was able to help other women find hope and healing.

Key Takeaways:

• Jennifer had an abortion at Planned Parenthood at 19 years old.

• Nearly a decade later, she got married and learned she was unable to conceive more children.

• She then directed her love and energy towards helping women at a pregnancy resource center.

Jennifer grew up dreaming of being a mother but felt unsupported when she unexpectedly became pregnant by her boyfriend during her freshman year in college. She chose to have an abortion at Planned Parenthood.

When she married nearly a decade later, Jennifer discovered she was unable to get pregnant again. Though she has never been able to have the children she dreamed of, she now chooses to serve women as the director of a pro-life pregnancy resource center.

The Backstory:

When Jennifer was just six years old, her family shattered with what she described as “a pretty nasty divorce.” Jennifer and her sister initially lived with their father, who was in the Air Force, but one day, he put them on a one-way flight and sent them to live with their mother in the South Bronx.

Jennifer's mother was a single parent, providing for her and her sister without the financial and emotional support of her biological father. Her mother was haunted by her own childhood trauma — she had lived in an orphanage, and walked in a lot of fear.

When her mother met her bonus dad, an officer in the Coast Guard, life changed for the better for Jennifer, who was nine years old at the time, and for her mother and sister, too. 

“I actually have memories of thinking to myself at that tender age that I wanted to have lots of kids," Jennifer told Live Action News. "I specifically remember thinking that I wanted enough to have my own baseball team. Literally. I always wanted to be a mom. It was my dream to be a mother."

She met her boyfriend in high school, and they decided to attend the same college. The summer before her freshman year, Jennifer had a conversation with her mother that later impacted her abortion decision.

“... I was sitting on the couch watching TV with my mom, and just out of nowhere, she just looks over at me and says, ‘If you get pregnant in college, you will have an abortion,’” Jennifer recalled.

These words seemed to come out of nowhere — but they stayed with her.

“Stunned by that statement, not being saved [and] walking with the Lord at the time, [I] didn’t have the spiritual language for what just happened. I just looked at her, and just kind of in disbelief, was like, ‘Okay.’ And then we just continued to watch TV."

The Details:

During the fall semester of her freshman year in college, at the age of 19, Jennifer discovered that she was pregnant. She was scared.

Her boyfriend told her he would go along with whatever she wanted to do. She felt he was putting the decision entirely on her.

“I was scared. I didn’t know what I was going to do," she said. "My boyfriend at the time was willing to quit college and start working, but I wasn’t getting the reassurance from him that everything was going to be okay."

Her boyfriend’s reaction meant “everything,” she said, adding:

“I needed to hear first and foremost that he wanted this baby. I needed to hear that it was going to be okay. That ‘We’re going to get through this together.’ That’s what I needed to hear, assurance that ‘It’s going to be okay. I’m with you. We’re going to get through this together. We’re going to raise this baby together. Don’t be afraid."

Jennifer was a commuter student at the time, living with her mother and bonus dad. She was “petrified” to tell them, afraid that they would throw her out of the house.

“Now I know that’s not true, but that’s how the enemy works," Jennifer said. "He’s just feeding you lies."

"I cried for days"

Her mother's words from the previous summer echoed in her head. She chose to go to Planned Parenthood for a surgical abortion. Her preborn baby was 13 weeks old.

Jennifer's boyfriend dropped her off at Planned Parenthood for her appointment. Her credit card was declined, so her boyfriend returned and paid for the abortion. Her initial appointment at Planned Parenthood was brief. She was asked a few questions, but was never asked if she wanted to see her baby’s ultrasound.

The abortion procedure itself was “traumatic,” Jennifer recalled. “The doctor was cold and mean. I cried for days after that experience. And I did what a lot of women do in that type of experience. You push it down. And you don’t deal with it."

After the abortion, Jennifer went to her boyfriend’s dorm room. It was Thanksgiving weekend, and there weren’t many people around campus.

 “I just cried," she said. "And I actually remember that my breasts were producing milk and I was leaking. This was after the abortion, and I could see the leakage and I just cried and cried and cried. And he felt bad after the fact. He actually said, ‘We will never do this again.’ Well, I never got pregnant again after that."

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"There's a reason for this"

At the age of 28, Jennifer married her boyfriend, the father of her baby, but by the time she was 30, they had divorced.

She later remarried;  she was unable to have a child. In 2008, Jennifer was diagnosed with fibroids.

As she entered her late 30s, the reality of her situation hit her. Jennifer became a Christian in 2012, and cried out to God for forgiveness, asking Him to take away her desire to have children:

"I would cry in the shower. And I remember begging the Lord (this was after I was saved). I would beg the Lord to take this desire to become a mother out of my heart because I didn’t want to long for something He wasn’t going to give me.

And for years, I cried, ‘Please God, take this feeling out of my heart. I don’t want to long for something that You’re not going to give me.’ And He wouldn’t… I don’t know when the day was when it actually happened, but one day, I just stopped crying. I said,  ‘Okay, Lord. You’re up to something.’ 

I just got tired of crying and I just surrendered it and left it at the feet of Jesus and said, ‘There’s a reason for this. I trust You, Lord.’"

Jennifer struggled to accept God’s forgiveness for years, and struggled to forgive herself.

In January of 2023, Jennifer unexpectedly received a postcard in the mail from a local pregnancy resource center (PRC). She was working in corporate America at the time. Prior to receiving the postcard, Jennifer had no idea what a PRC even was, and realized a PRC was exactly what she needed when she was pregnant at 19.

Although she “felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit” to get involved at the PRC, Jennifer was working a demanding job and volunteering a lot at a local church, and didn’t think she had time to help at the PRC.

The next year, Jennifer again received a postcard; this time, it stayed on her counter for several months and she felt the Holy Spirit calling her to ask about serving the PRC. A few months later, Jennifer left a 30-year career in corporate America. Following a time of rest, she began volunteering at the PRC, with training that included a ‘Hope and Healing’ study for post-abortive women. While there, Jennifer’s facilitator shared that she, too, had an abortion at a young age, and was subsequently unable to get pregnant again.

While working at the PRC, Jennifer saw an ultrasound for the first time. That experience led her to further healing.

She didn’t remain a volunteer for long. Within a couple of months, the director of the PRC left, and one of the volunteers suggested to Jennifer that she should apply for the position. Her application was accepted, and she currently serves as director.

The Good News:

Throughout her journey of healing from abortion and transitioning careers, Jennifer gave her yes to God, and she now has many spiritual children, as she serves women in need of all ages and from all walks of life, providing free pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, resources, love, and hope.

Jennifer gives words of encouragement for the women, who, like her, are unable to have more children after an abortion:

"There’s hope on the other side of this and God does not waste anything.... God will use your testimony to free someone else, to give somebody else hope in a time of need. They may be walking through fear and despair and hopelessness. You can provide hope for them and show them, through your testimony, what God has done in your life to bring you peace.

Is it going to be easy? Absolutely not. Healing is messy, and sometimes ugly, but when you trust God with all the broken pieces that are in your hands, he makes this beautiful, colorful mosaic....

You want to get back at the enemy? That’s how you get back at the enemy. You press into the Word, and you seek repentance, and you seek Him and ask Him to heal you and to keep you whole. And be in community with like-minded believers. That’s the other thing that has really saved me.

Jennifer adds that women considering abortion should trust God and not give in.

"To that precious woman who’s pregnant and considering an abortion, what I would say is, ‘God does not make mistakes. Psalm 139: He knit you together in your mother’s womb in the secret place. God was there. And even if it was a traumatic experience, God was there."

She added, "He has a plan and a purpose for that baby and for you. Don’t give up! You can do this.’"