Author Jason Evert to Young Leaders Summit: Dating is for marriage

Jason Evert spoke to attendees at Live Action's Young Leaders Summit, where he discussed how to find real love, and how to date for its intended purpose: marriage.

Key Takeaways:

• Relationships get too intense too quickly, according to Evert, and should focus on building a foundation of friendship first.

• Evert said people should date for the purpose of finding a spouse, not a boyfriend or girlfriend.

• People must focus on healing themselves before they can have healthy relationships, he noted.

The Details:

Dating for Marriage: The Advice Nobody Gives Anymore | Young Leaders Summit 2026

Evert began by pointing to his grandparents as an example of God's plan for human love.

"They had 10 kids, and their names were Joseph and Mary. So you can't beat that," he said. "And coolest thing about them, they would flirt with each other constantly. I just grew up watching this."

He added:

"Now she passed away a couple of years back. I remember standing at her funeral and my grandpa's next to the casket, and he's real weak. He's had knee and hip replacements. And he's trying to get close to her one last time. He's leaning, he's shaking. And he just gave her one kiss on the nose. And he said, 'Bye, babe.'

And I saw that and I'm like, dude, that's it. Like, that's what I want. Like I want a love that's stronger than death. But how do we get there from here, where we live in a culture where more people hook up than even hold hands?"

The first thing young adults need to do, he explained, is build a strong foundation of friendship:

The biggest building in the world is the Burj Khalifa in Dubai. It stands a half mile into the sky, built on the sands of the Middle East. Well, how do you engineer that?

Underneath it are hundreds of thousands of tons of concrete. Think of that as the foundation of friendship under the structure of romantic love. We've got to lay the foundation of friendship. In other words, try to enjoy the season of singleness. And I know some of you may be thinking, Jason, I have enjoyed that season quite long enough. Thank you very much. That's like telling someone who lives in Antarctica, enjoy the season of winter. I've had enough. I'm ready for summer.

Why am I telling you to savor what you want to end? Well, I'm of the opinion that dating relationships, for the most part, get a little too intense too fast.

Because people rush into intense relationships too quickly, they can't truly learn about the other person.

She's only known the guy three weeks, then four weeks in, reality hits. And she's like, oh, I didn't know he flirts with other girls. I didn't know he looks at porn. I didn't know he drinks. I didn't know he builds a methamphetamine lab in the closet with his friends on Wednesdays. I didn't know that. It's like, sweetheart, thus the point to take your time. And if you could just kind of hold back a little bit, you get some benefits."

Zoom In:

Evert encouraged people to look at dating more like a job interview and focus on the qualities they envision in a future spouse. It also includes self-assessments, and making sure they are ready for marriage, too.

"... Finding real love is not about just finding some perfect person to complete you. It's about loving your future husband or wife enough today to grow in perfection and virtue to become the person who they deserve for you to be. Which means we've got to take a very mature and sober assessment of our interior lives.

Is there junk going on in my life right now that I know full well, if I brought this into my vocation, it would be toxic to a marriage? If so, you deal with it right now because marriage is not a car wash. It could be an addiction, excessive laziness, or a lack of ambition. It could be things like lust and pornography."

He further encouraged young adults to reject the culture regarding relationships today, and focus on love, marriage, sex, and babies, in that order.

"When our culture starts rearranging them and dropping out steps, civilization itself begins to crumble, to the point where we are at now, where we have a culture of single people who pretend like they're dating," he said. "The dating people behave like they're married, and the married people seem to think they're single. Everything is out of order."

The Bottom Line:

Above all, Evert said to follow God's plan, concluding, "Do not be afraid to trust Him with your body and with your future, because every person who seeks the kingdom of God will find himself."