Human Matters with Sami Parker: The challenges of modern dating

In episode five of Human Matters, Sami Parker unpacks the modern dating scene and online dating. She discusses the use of dating apps, some of the reasons why dating is so difficult, and some practical advice for thriving despite it all.

Key Takeaways:

• Parker says that dating apps result in a "pressure to perform."

• She says modern dating lacks yearning, patience, and self-control.

• Parker attributes many of the problems with modern dating to a generation that grew up without the example of parents in a stable, loving relationship.

• Parker suggests that online dating should be used as a tool to meet someone, with priority then given to in-person interactions.

The Details:

Human Matters is a show powered by Live Action and hosted by Sami Parker, which dives into some of society's most important trends and topics. In episode five, Parker takes a look at why modern dating is so hard.

Why Modern Dating is So Hard

The difficulty of dating apps

She starts by analyzing the phenomenon of 'swiping right' on dating apps, noting that they often result in psychological mind games, as both women and men are swiping not because they are necessarily interested in a person, but because it's a "numbers game" that necessitates more swipes in order to potentially land a match.

Parker notes "it seems like that competitive atmosphere is magnified by ten times on a dating app because the other extremely attractive, interesting, funny alternative candidates are literally one swipe, one text away."

"So there is so much pressure to perform. To impress," she says. "And that breeds a really ingenuine standard for communicating online."

Both men and women have expressed that they hate playing this game, but getting offline and meeting someone in person is also difficult due to the role that technology now plays in so many lives.

The importance of yearning

Despite these challenges, she says, "Our souls still desire what they’ve always desired. Depth. Commitment. Yearning."

That kind of commitment and yearning often requires taking a step back from technology.

"The kind of love we say we want requires things modern dating doesn’t encourage at all," she explains. "It requires patience and self-control."

To achieve this, Parker recommends that dating couples not be constantly texting or chatting on the phone.

The family breakdown's impact on dating

Parker contends that modern dating is also so difficult because many people have grown up in broken homes and they do not know what a stable, loving marriage looks like. It's not always that they don't want commitment — it's often that they don't know what that kind of faithful commitment looks like.

"I think it’s unfair for anyone to blame young adults and the uncommitted dating scene they find themselves in for acting in accordance with how they were raised as children," she says.

The Bottom Line:

Parker concludes with a suggestion that online dating can be used as a tool to meet someone, but after that initial meeting, it's best to prioritize meeting in person, rather than "performance texting."

"But after you do meet and hit it off, remember that you don’t get depth without time," she says. "And forcing depth in a short amount of time can often lead to a lack of important boundaries. So make your intentions clear but then be patient."

Watch the whole video here.