GUEST OPINION: Why I believe life is always worth saying 'yes' to

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the author.

I remember standing at the altar on our wedding day, holding Nathan’s hands and looking into his eyes as we were asked a question that felt both sacred and simple. “Will you welcome and accept children lovingly from God?” We both answered with a resounding “yes.”

In that moment, I was already imagining the gift of children that would come from our marriage. It never crossed my mind that we might struggle to get pregnant or that building a family would become one of the hardest journeys of our lives.

Not What We Expected

Life unfolded differently than we expected. At first, we were not actively trying to get pregnant, but we were not avoiding it either. We were simply enjoying being newlyweds and were open to whatever God had planned for our family. Month after month, and eventually year after year, we prayed and waited while quietly wondering why no baby had come. Many of my friends became pregnant within weeks of their weddings, and I could not understand why the same was not happening for us.

Around our second year of marriage, we became more intentional. We tracked my cycle, narrowed down my fertile window, and did everything “right,” but nothing changed.  The longing for children that once felt light and hopeful became heavier, and each negative test pulled us deeper into the quiet grief that only those who have walked through infertility fully understand.

Eventually, I knew I needed answers. While it is common for the man to be tested first, I had a strong feeling something was happening with my body. At first, every test came back normal. My labs looked good, and my doctor saw no obvious reason for infertility. Still, she ordered one more test: an HSG, a procedure where dye is pushed through the fallopian tubes while you watch its progress on an X-ray screen in real time.

As I watched the screen, I saw the dye stop midway through both tubes. I did not need the doctor to tell me what that meant. I began crying immediately because I knew exactly what I was seeing. When the doctor came in, he was incredibly kind. He saw my tears, put his hand on my shoulder, and gently said, “God just made you a little different.”

That moment stayed with me as I processed the emotional aftermath. I struggled a lot after that appointment and wrestled with feeling like my body was defective. But his words reminded me that I was designed this way for a purpose. Still, it did not answer the deeper question of what we were supposed to do next. 

When 'Plan A' Fails

There is an unspoken expectation for married couples to have children, and when Plan A did not work, people naturally asked about Plans B and C: adoption or IVF. Because Nathan and I are pro-life and have both been personally impacted by adoption, our hearts were already open to it. We had even pursued a couple of domestic infant adoptions early in our marriage, but each one fell through, which made us wonder whether adoption was the path God was asking us to walk at that time. As we prayed through that, we also faced the other option people kept suggesting: IVF.

IVF often begins with a good desire for children, but the reality is that many embryos are created in order to achieve one successful pregnancy. It is easy to forget because they are so small, but embryos are living human beings. It did not feel right to intentionally create them, knowing that some could remain frozen for years, never be transferred, or be discarded. We knew we could not create children with our own DNA if there was any possibility they would not be given the opportunity to live.

It felt like we were back at square one. Then Nathan got a call from his mom. She had been listening to Focus on the Family and heard about Nightlight Christian Adoptions and the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program. I looked it up and immediately felt this quiet certainty that this was God opening a door for us.

The more we learned, the more clearly we saw that embryo adoption offered us the possibility of becoming parents while also honoring life that already existed. We felt a deep responsibility to offer them the chance to live, even if that chance came with risk and uncertainty.

The process was emotional and complex. Like traditional adoption, we completed background checks, a home study, legal steps, and a family profile for biological families to review. We prayerfully joined the Open Hearts program, which meant we were willing to adopt embryos who had been passed over for one reason or another.

On November 29, 2022, we received word that we had been matched with fifteen embryos frozen in 1994 and 1995. For perspective, I was born in March of 1995. These embryos were older than most families were willing to adopt, and there were far more of them than most were ready to take. Our response was an immediate “yes.”

Experiencing Dehumanization

Once matched, the medical journey began. We found a clinic willing to work with embryos that old, arranged for them to be shipped, and began the medication and injections required for transfer. But as we navigated this new world, we learned that the physical process was only part of the challenge. The environment inside IVF clinics was eye-opening, especially as a pro-life advocate.

One of the first things I remember was signing a form to have our embryos shipped from their previous location to our clinic. The paperwork described it as “tissue transport,” and when the clinic called to confirm the details of “transporting our tissue,” I felt gutted. Our embryos were so much more than that.

The medical team referred to them as “poor quality” because of their age and the older freezing method used. I felt fiercely protective of them.

That protectiveness grew during the thawing process. Of the 15 embryos, 12 did not survive the thaw. We were left with three. Two were transferred to my womb, and the clinic monitored the last one to see if it would continue growing.

Then came a phone call I will never forget. The nurse said, in a casual tone, “That last embryo did not keep growing, so we went ahead and discarded it.” My stomach dropped. Since when is it acceptable to use the word “discarded” to describe a human being?

A couple of weeks after our first transfer, we learned the pregnancy test was negative. The transfer had not worked. Nathan held me as I cried, both of us grieving the two embryos who did not implant and the 13 who were already in Heaven.

We stepped back for a while to pray about our next steps. Months later, we felt led to adopt again. On November 7, 2023, we were matched with 10 embryos frozen in January of 2006. We went through two more transfers. Each time, we transferred two embryos, and there was another who did not survive the thaw.

We still have four embryos waiting, ready for us to try again.

The Faithfulness of God

In many ways, embryo adoption revealed something beautiful to me about the way God works. When we say “yes” to Him, we usually imagine what that “yes” will look like. I always assumed that welcoming children would mean getting pregnant and raising a family in the ordinary way.

But just a few months after Nathan and I were married, we saved our first baby from abortion through our nonprofit, Let Them Live. At the time, I thought we were simply helping a woman and her unborn baby. Only God knew the struggles we would soon face trying to conceive, and only now can I see that He was already honoring our “yes” in a way we did not yet understand.

As the years unfolded, through infertility, adoption loss, embryo loss, and the ongoing journey, I kept returning to that moment at the altar. The moment we said “yes” to welcoming and accepting children lovingly from God.

Let Them Live has helped more than 1,000 babies be born, and we have 21 adopted embryos in heaven. Our family may not look typical, but we have been faithful to our “yes,” and God has been faithful to us every step of the way.

Life is always a gift. Life is always meaningful. Life is always worth saying yes to.

Bio: Emily Berning is President & Co-Founder of Let Them Live.