A woman conceived to a single mother through the use of a sperm donor is speaking out about the pain of never knowing her father — and is also campaigning for an end to anonymous donation in Spain.
Key Takeaways:
- Maria Sellés founded the Association of Daughters and Sons of Donors, which advocates for an end to anonymous egg and sperm donations.
- Sellés was born to a single mother who conceived using an anonymous sperm donor.
- She spoke about the difficulty and pain of never being able to find out who her father is.
- Many donor-conceived adults have spoken about the harm of the unregulated fertility industry.
The Details:
Sellés spoke to Catalan daily Spanish newspaper Ara about her life and why she wants to have donor anonymity laws overturned.
“Many people do not understand that I do not have a father,” she said. “They ask me if he has died or has abandoned us. When they find out that I am the daughter of a single mother and that there is an anonymous donor, then they question why I want to meet him[;] they think I am playing a trick on my mother.”
Though she grew up knowing she had been conceived through a sperm donor and artificial insemination, she avoided talking much about it out of fear she would upset or disappoint her mother.
“When I realized that I couldn’t know who my father was, I stopped asking,” she explained. Yet that didn’t stop her from fantasizing about who her father might be, and how she might learn that information.
“I don’t know why, for me it was in Madrid,” she said about the knowledge of who her father is. “We had the fantasy that we would escape and sneak in there to find out.”
While she was able to find out a little information from the sperm bank, she still doesn’t know her father’s name.
“I’m curious to see his face, and he has a lot of information that’s important to me,” she said.
The letter she wrote to her mother about her feelings was published in another newspaper, and Miquel Roura, who was also donor-conceived, reached out to her; together, they founded the Association of Daughters and Sons of Donors.
“It was like finding a brother. Finally, someone like me, who is going through the same things as me,” she said, and added of the fertility industry, “I think there is a perception that assisted reproduction is linked to progress and equality, because it is sold as the only possible model for founding a family for single women and lesbian couples.”
Zoom Out:
Sellés is one of many donor-conceived adults speaking out against the fertility industry, which is largely unregulated and favors the wants of parents over the needs of children. Some countries, like France, are taking steps to end anonymity among donors, which has been applauded by these advocates.
“It presents a constant question mark in my mind, one that’s been there since my conception,” one donor-conceived adult told France24. “I know the sperm donor is part of me, but I don’t know what he passed on. The little game everyone plays with their parents is to know, hey, I take after dad in this way. The question remains unanswered for me. My father was able to transmit through his presence through nurture, but in regard to nature, what did my donor transmit?”
But in far too many other countries, the priority continues to be on parents instead of children. And in the meantime, these donor-conceived adults have to live with the knowledge that they could have hundreds, if not thousands, of siblings. They have also been robbed of the ability to know at least one of their parents, as well as knowledge of their medical histories, ancestry, heritage, and background.
As one Harvard Medical School study found, over 60% of donor-conceived adults find the current practices of the fertility industry to be unethical and immoral.
The Bottom Line:
Children are not products to which people are entitled to when they decide they want one, but the fertility industry has dehumanized them and turned them into things — instead of people — to be bought and sold.
“I am a human being, yet I was conceived with a technique that had its origins in animal husbandry,” one donor-conceived person wrote in a book for Anonymous Us. “Worst of all, farmers kept better records of their cattle’s genealogy than assisted reproductive clinics … how could the doctors, sworn to ‘first do no harm’ create a system where I now face the pain and loss of my own identity and heritage?”
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