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Nancy Flanders
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Human Interest·By Angeline Tan
Despite multiple pregnancy losses, their hearts remain open to God's plan
The nursery has been set up painstakingly with love and thought, every detail selected with a child in mind. Maryemma enters that room and can already hear the laughs, squeals, and giggles that will one day fill it. For now, the room waits, as she and her husband Dominic wait, for the child they hope God will place in their arms through adoption.
Their story, however, began with love and loss.
From the very beginning, Maryemma and Dominic enjoyed each other's company and went on many adventures together. The couple was always open to life, and God blessed them right away, with Maryemma conceiving shortly after getting married. In those first happy days, nothing hinted that their journey towards parenthood would be anything but blissful and simple.
It was not long, however, before that path turned into something neither of them could have anticipated, with the couple suffering multiple miscarriages.
Maryemma and Dominic did not realize the complete extent of their fertility challenges until after two of their losses. Although those harrowing experiences contained huge sorrows, they eventually brought them closer together as a couple.
Two of their babies, who they named Francis and Agnes, remain especially etched in their memory.
Maryemma's pregnancy with Francis was an ectopic pregnancy. She required surgery to remove one of her fallopian tubes.
Yet even in those dark moments, Dominic and Maryemma encountered grace. The surgical nurses came in, told them about the loss of Francis, and prayed with them. One nurse told the couple that while he had baptized an adult before, he had never baptized a baby. Still, the nurse said he would be honored to baptize their little Francis.
“That experience during such a difficult time in our lives helped show us that there are angels all around us,” Maryemma told Live Action News. “We are so grateful for that hospital and staff. We had lost babies, but they had saved my life.”
Losing her second baby, Agnes, between 12 and 15 weeks of pregnancy, was a different experience for Maryemma, though no less challenging.
Initially, everything seemed hopeful that Maryemma could carry Agnes to term: she had morning sickness, and a couple of doctor appointments had been positive.
Unfortunately, the couple miscarried baby Agnes in a hotel room. After that traumatic incident, the couple got to hold Agnes's tiny body and look at her. She was perfectly formed, with little hands and feet and a nose. They baptized her and buried her at the same Catholic cemetery where her brothers had been laid to rest, in a beautiful little plot called the "Holy Innocents." A priest friend assisted them in putting two of their babies to rest there.
For Maryemma and Dominic, their Catholic faith was not an escape from their grief; rather, it was the lens through which they made sense of it. Their series of losses taught them how important and sacred life is, even when that life in question lasted for a short period of time.
To this very day, the couple takes baskets to the same hospital that cared for them on their babies' birth and death days— one basket for a baby born healthy and one for a baby who did not make it.
Maryemma said that this was their way of honoring the memories of the children they lost, and of pouring love back into the place that walked with them through their darkest moments.
Adoption was never Plan B for Maryemma and Dominic. They had talked about being adoptive parents even before their losses, due to their pro-life convictions.
Although others in their lives had suggested different paths for the couple struggling to conceive — in vitro fertilization (IVF), surrogacy, or simply remaining child-free — they chose to trust in God’s plan for their lives, as some of these options, like IVF, went against their Catholic faith.
“Any normal thoughts come through any new parents' minds — fear of the unknown,” Maryemma said. “But we trust in God's blessings and plans.”
The adoption process for Dominic and Maryemma has been long. There have been moments when the couple felt dejected and overwhelmed due to the tedious nature of the process.
However, the prospect of holding a little baby in their arms for the first time is what powers the couple forward and keeps their hopes alive. Every time Maryemma walks into the nursery room in her house that she prepared, she feels particularly bonded to the child the couple has not yet met.
Experiencing infertility and loss together has changed Dominic and Maryemma fundamentally.
“Going through that kind of suffering, you don't come out the same people,” Maryemma explained. “You grow either together or apart. I'm blessed to say it was together for us.”
Maryemma said that closeness with her husband was one of the most beautiful blessings the couple received from their babies. This closeness, she said, was one that arose from grief — not a substitute for the children they lost, but a testimony to the love that enabled them to weather through ups and downs.
Maryemma's notion of parenthood goes beyond biology. Instead, “real” parenthood is the “raising, forming, and loving the children placed in your care,” she said.
According to her, adoption embodies the dignity of every human life from the very moment of conception, as its aim is to match suitable, loving, and attentive parents who can care for every child.
Maryemma feels that the pro-life movement should advocate for streamlining the adoption process to make it more seamless. Maryemma said churches, communities, and pro-life organizations could also continue creating spaces where couples can talk about their losses without stigma and not feel alone in their suffering.
Only recently, Maryemma pointed out, did couples around her start to speak openly about miscarriage.
Despite the passage of time, Maryemma does not pretend the grief of losing her babies has disappeared.
“You will never completely get over the loss of your precious babies,” she admitted, “but there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel. We are so grateful that God gave us those precious babies, even if it was only for a moment in time.”
In retrospect, both Maryemma and Dominic are grateful that they did not know ahead of time the heaviness of the cross they would carry. Their form of gratitude is striking, not for the suffering they had had to endure itself, but for their realization that God’s grace met and sustained them in the moments that they never expected.
The couples’ current hope is that their experience would help others see the beauty in giving their lives to the will of God in various seasons of life, such as in loss, in waiting, in adoption, and in the quiet certainty that the nursery will not stay empty forever.
For couples walking the journey of infertility and adoption, Maryemma's message is both honest and hopeful: the tunnel is dark, and the grief is real. Yet there is always hope.
Live Action News is pro-life news and commentary from a pro-life perspective.
Our work is possible because of our donors. Please consider giving to further our work of changing hearts and minds on issues of life and human dignity.
Contact editor@liveaction.org for questions, corrections, or if you are seeking permission to reprint any Live Action News content.
Guest Articles: To submit a guest article to Live Action News, email editor@liveaction.org with an attached Word document of 800-1000 words. Please also attach any photos relevant to your submission if applicable. If your submission is accepted for publication, you will be notified within three weeks. Guest articles are not compensated (see our Open License Agreement). Thank you for your interest in Live Action News!
Nancy Flanders
·
Human Interest
Nancy Flanders
·
Guest Column
Kelli Stelter
·
Human Interest
Angeline Tan
·
Human Interest
Bridget Sielicki
·
Human Interest
Angeline Tan
·
Activism
Angeline Tan
·
Analysis
Angeline Tan
·Human Interest
Angeline Tan
·Human Interest
Angeline Tan
·
International
Angeline Tan
·Human Interest·By Angeline Tan
Despite multiple pregnancy losses, their hearts remain open to God's plan
The nursery has been set up painstakingly with love and thought, every detail selected with a child in mind. Maryemma enters that room and can already hear the laughs, squeals, and giggles that will one day fill it. For now, the room waits, as she and her husband Dominic wait, for the child they hope God will place in their arms through adoption.
Their story, however, began with love and loss.
From the very beginning, Maryemma and Dominic enjoyed each other's company and went on many adventures together. The couple was always open to life, and God blessed them right away, with Maryemma conceiving shortly after getting married. In those first happy days, nothing hinted that their journey towards parenthood would be anything but blissful and simple.
It was not long, however, before that path turned into something neither of them could have anticipated, with the couple suffering multiple miscarriages.
Maryemma and Dominic did not realize the complete extent of their fertility challenges until after two of their losses. Although those harrowing experiences contained huge sorrows, they eventually brought them closer together as a couple.
Two of their babies, who they named Francis and Agnes, remain especially etched in their memory.
Maryemma's pregnancy with Francis was an ectopic pregnancy. She required surgery to remove one of her fallopian tubes.
Yet even in those dark moments, Dominic and Maryemma encountered grace. The surgical nurses came in, told them about the loss of Francis, and prayed with them. One nurse told the couple that while he had baptized an adult before, he had never baptized a baby. Still, the nurse said he would be honored to baptize their little Francis.
“That experience during such a difficult time in our lives helped show us that there are angels all around us,” Maryemma told Live Action News. “We are so grateful for that hospital and staff. We had lost babies, but they had saved my life.”
Losing her second baby, Agnes, between 12 and 15 weeks of pregnancy, was a different experience for Maryemma, though no less challenging.
Initially, everything seemed hopeful that Maryemma could carry Agnes to term: she had morning sickness, and a couple of doctor appointments had been positive.
Unfortunately, the couple miscarried baby Agnes in a hotel room. After that traumatic incident, the couple got to hold Agnes's tiny body and look at her. She was perfectly formed, with little hands and feet and a nose. They baptized her and buried her at the same Catholic cemetery where her brothers had been laid to rest, in a beautiful little plot called the "Holy Innocents." A priest friend assisted them in putting two of their babies to rest there.
For Maryemma and Dominic, their Catholic faith was not an escape from their grief; rather, it was the lens through which they made sense of it. Their series of losses taught them how important and sacred life is, even when that life in question lasted for a short period of time.
To this very day, the couple takes baskets to the same hospital that cared for them on their babies' birth and death days— one basket for a baby born healthy and one for a baby who did not make it.
Maryemma said that this was their way of honoring the memories of the children they lost, and of pouring love back into the place that walked with them through their darkest moments.
Adoption was never Plan B for Maryemma and Dominic. They had talked about being adoptive parents even before their losses, due to their pro-life convictions.
Although others in their lives had suggested different paths for the couple struggling to conceive — in vitro fertilization (IVF), surrogacy, or simply remaining child-free — they chose to trust in God’s plan for their lives, as some of these options, like IVF, went against their Catholic faith.
“Any normal thoughts come through any new parents' minds — fear of the unknown,” Maryemma said. “But we trust in God's blessings and plans.”
The adoption process for Dominic and Maryemma has been long. There have been moments when the couple felt dejected and overwhelmed due to the tedious nature of the process.
However, the prospect of holding a little baby in their arms for the first time is what powers the couple forward and keeps their hopes alive. Every time Maryemma walks into the nursery room in her house that she prepared, she feels particularly bonded to the child the couple has not yet met.
Experiencing infertility and loss together has changed Dominic and Maryemma fundamentally.
“Going through that kind of suffering, you don't come out the same people,” Maryemma explained. “You grow either together or apart. I'm blessed to say it was together for us.”
Maryemma said that closeness with her husband was one of the most beautiful blessings the couple received from their babies. This closeness, she said, was one that arose from grief — not a substitute for the children they lost, but a testimony to the love that enabled them to weather through ups and downs.
Maryemma's notion of parenthood goes beyond biology. Instead, “real” parenthood is the “raising, forming, and loving the children placed in your care,” she said.
According to her, adoption embodies the dignity of every human life from the very moment of conception, as its aim is to match suitable, loving, and attentive parents who can care for every child.
Maryemma feels that the pro-life movement should advocate for streamlining the adoption process to make it more seamless. Maryemma said churches, communities, and pro-life organizations could also continue creating spaces where couples can talk about their losses without stigma and not feel alone in their suffering.
Only recently, Maryemma pointed out, did couples around her start to speak openly about miscarriage.
Despite the passage of time, Maryemma does not pretend the grief of losing her babies has disappeared.
“You will never completely get over the loss of your precious babies,” she admitted, “but there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel. We are so grateful that God gave us those precious babies, even if it was only for a moment in time.”
In retrospect, both Maryemma and Dominic are grateful that they did not know ahead of time the heaviness of the cross they would carry. Their form of gratitude is striking, not for the suffering they had had to endure itself, but for their realization that God’s grace met and sustained them in the moments that they never expected.
The couples’ current hope is that their experience would help others see the beauty in giving their lives to the will of God in various seasons of life, such as in loss, in waiting, in adoption, and in the quiet certainty that the nursery will not stay empty forever.
For couples walking the journey of infertility and adoption, Maryemma's message is both honest and hopeful: the tunnel is dark, and the grief is real. Yet there is always hope.
Live Action News is pro-life news and commentary from a pro-life perspective.
Our work is possible because of our donors. Please consider giving to further our work of changing hearts and minds on issues of life and human dignity.
Contact editor@liveaction.org for questions, corrections, or if you are seeking permission to reprint any Live Action News content.
Guest Articles: To submit a guest article to Live Action News, email editor@liveaction.org with an attached Word document of 800-1000 words. Please also attach any photos relevant to your submission if applicable. If your submission is accepted for publication, you will be notified within three weeks. Guest articles are not compensated (see our Open License Agreement). Thank you for your interest in Live Action News!
Nancy Flanders
·Human Interest
Nancy Flanders
·Guest Column
Kelli Stelter
·Human Interest
Angeline Tan
·Human Interest
Bridget Sielicki
·Human Interest
Angeline Tan
·Activism
Angeline Tan
·Analysis
Angeline Tan
·Human Interest
Angeline Tan
·Human Interest
Angeline Tan
·International
Angeline Tan
·