Viral TikTok post from egg donor to donor-conceived teen: 'I am not your mother'

A TikTok from an egg donor has gone viral for its message towards a teen who claims to be the donor's biological daughter.

Key Takeaways:

• The TikTok, posted by a Georgia hairstylist, shared a text message she received from a teen claiming to be her biological daughter.

• The woman reportedly told the teen she was "not your mother," called the message a "major breach of privacy," and told the young woman to never contact her again.

• In a follow-up video, the woman admitted to reacting too quickly, and while she said she wouldn't be a mother to the teen, she would be open to answering questions.

The Details:

A video from the user "TyBraids" shared a TikTok that has now been seen almost 1 million times. In it, a screenshot of a series of text messages is shown, while the woman narrates.

In the first text, a young woman presumed to be in her teen years contacted the user. "I don't mean to be a bother, but I think you may be my biological mother," she began. "My mom revealed this info to me and I was wondering if you wanted to do a DNA test and possibly get to know me and build a relationship as your daughter."

She said she noticed a resemblance and that she had struggled to connect with her mother, without ever having a reason why.

TyBraids responded:

“I’m going to be very direct with you. This is a major breach of privacy. Egg donation is a confidential, anonymous business transaction. I signed my parental rights away 19 years ago. I am not your mother.”

She further added that she had no interest in being her mother, and told the girl to never contact her again. In her voiceover on TikTok, she said:

"I donated my eggs when I was around 19, 20 years old. I'm, like, 37 now. I've received a message from this young lady, stating that she would like to do a DNA test and build a relationship as my daughter. And I think it's pretty creepy, because not only is egg donation supposed to be anonymous, I'm not your mom.

You know, I can see if I had this baby, and I put her up for adoption, you know, but that's not what I did. I sold my eggs, I signed my rights away, I got my check, and I went on about my life.

Why the hell are you contacting me right now? I'm so confused. Because I'm not your mom. Your mom literally birthed you. She carried you. She just so happened to use my egg. But that's your mom. That is the connection that you have. You heard her heartbeat. You laid on her chest. She raised you. And I really think it's weird for the mom to even mention that, because it's like, 'girl, you had the baby. Why are you mentioning me?'

So I messaged her back finally, because it took me some time to think it over, and I'm just like, I'm gonna be very direct with you. Like, it's a breach of privacy. I signed my parents' rights away years ago. I'm not your mom, and I would really appreciate if she did not contact me.

I did block herr name and stuff out, to protect her privacy. But, yeah, this is weird. I don't know, kind of conflicted. Because it's crazy. She looks like me. Like, that's the crazy part. It's not that crazy, cause duh, DNA.

But it's just like, ugh, don't contact me, you know. Like, am I tripping? Maybe I am. I don't know."

Zoom In:

In a follow-up video, TyBraids admitted to reacting too quickly, and said she would be open to future contact with the teen, though she still said she was not interested in being her mother.

"I do understand you're looking for answers," she said. "I'm open to a phone conversation so we can both be heard."

She narrated again, saying that the response from viewers helped change her mind:

"Some of y'all think I was cold, some of y'all know where I was coming from... but, reading what some people had to say, and honestly thinking about my own kids, kind of realized I probably reacted out of shock.

So I reached back out to her. And I'm not saying that I want to be her mom or anything of that nature, but I am open to having a conversation with her, and I am ready to have that conversation. She did say that she wants to talk still, so I'm gonna send her my phone number. Most likely. I might record the conversation if she allows it."

The teen responded enthusiastically, saying that while she had been hurt at first, she was thrilled that the woman had reached out again.

Despite the woman's apparent change of heart, many commenters expressed disappointment and outrage, saying TyBraids had no reason to be in contact with her daughter, that the situation was inappropriate, and that she was right to have boundaries.

The Big Picture:

Though TyBraids' original reaction was to deny a connection to the teen, in reality, she is the girl's biological mother, whether she feels a connection to her or not. If she donated eggs numerous times, she could have numerous biological offspring she still doesn't know about.

It's true that the woman who raised TyBraids' daughter is her mother, as she carried her in her womb and gave birth to her. Yet she's not her only mother; she also has a biological mother, and biology cannot be erased out of sheer will to do so. Learning you aren't the person you thought you were, with a different origin of which you weren't aware, can cause an individual emotional trauma.

According to the 2020 We Are Donor Conceived Survey, which surveyed "481 donor conceived people ranging in age from 13 to 74" with the majority between 20 and 40 years of age:

• 71% of donor-conceived individuals agreed that “[t]he method of my conception sometimes causes me to feel distressed, angry, or sad.”

• Another 47% said they sometimes feel sad, disappointed, or angry that their parents chose to create them using donor gametes.

• Almost half sought professional therapy, and 17% more said they wanted to.

• The overwhelming majority (89%) said donor-conceived individuals should know the identity of the donor.

• Another 90% agreed it’s important to know the identities of any siblings they have.

• 88% further said it is a “basic human right to know the identity of both biological parents.”

• 77% said their donor is “half of who I am.”

• 76% do not support the use of anonymous donor eggs or sperm to conceive a child.

Even more donor-conceived adults have complained of feeling like they've been mass-produced. 

TyBraids' response also highlighted a significant issue with the fertility industry: prioritizing adult wants over the needs and well-being of children.

Anonymous sperm and egg donation has become normalized in many countries, including the United States. Yet laws are increasingly being passed protecting the rights of donor-conceived persons, allowing them to learn their genetic background and history.

It is not a child's fault that he or she was conceived in this manner, and it is certainly normal for someone to wish to know his or her own origin or family of origin.

The Bottom Line:

A Harvard Medical School study found that a majority of donor-conceived children believe donor conception practices are unethical and immoral.

“I am a human being, yet I was conceived with a technique that had its origins in animal husbandry,” one donor-conceived person wrote in a book for Anonymous Us. “Worst of all, farmers kept better records of their cattle’s genealogy than assisted reproductive clinics … how could the doctors, sworn to ‘first do no harm’ create a system where I now face the pain and loss of my own identity and heritage?”