The trauma of adoption shouldn’t be ignored, but abortion isn’t the solution

It is a tragedy that some parents feel they are not capable of raising their children, and that sad reality is what leads many to either to abortion — the intentional, direct killing of a preborn child — or to adoption, in which they allow their child to be raised by another family. Both abortion and adoption may be chosen for similar reasons by parents experiencing unplanned pregnancies, yet very often, abortion advocates claim that adoption is the worse option of the two.

Adoptee says “adoption is not a solution to abortion”

Joanne Bagshaw, a therapist and professor of psychology, wrote an op-ed for Psychology Today about her experience as an adopted child, and spoke about how much it bothers her to see adoption being presented as an alternative to abortion, as well as the systemic issues that can lead women to choose adoption.

“With the new restrictive abortion laws being passed, I’m seeing a resurgence of this message: Choose adoption, not abortion,” Bagshaw wrote. “However, adoption is not a solution to abortion. Adoption is a choice about whether or not to parent. My birth mother, like many birth mothers, preferred to parent me, but couldn’t because of a variety of reasons that included mental illness and lack of family support.”

She continued:

The decisions we make about reproduction are the most personal decisions we will ever make. Who should make those decisions? You, with or without your doctor? The government? And how much of a choice is abortion or adoption when you don’t have any other choices? Access to safe, legal, and free or affordable contraception and abortion, informed and sensitive adoption policies, comprehensive sex education, and ethical and compassionate immigration policies that don’t criminalize asylum seekers are all examples of reproductive justice issues.

Adoption isn’t a popular choice for pregnant people, because it is distressing and traumatic for birth mothers to relinquish their children, even in open adoptions, which don’t solve all of the complications and differing interests that can occur among families, post-adoption.

First, it must be said that once a child has been conceived, “decisions we make about reproduction” have already been made. Reproduction has already occurred, and therefore, what follows are decisions about what will now happen to that new human being — will that child be allowed to live, or will that child be killed? Intentionally killing an innocent person, though presented under the guise of “reproductive freedom,” is stripping a human being of his first and most important right: his right to life… his right to not be killed. And this is never a valid choice anyone can make — not a mother, not her doctor, and not the government.

This false argument aside, Bagshaw does make some accurate points: most women, if given the choice between adoption and abortion, will choose abortion.  They view adoption as a more traumatic experience for themselves than abortion. And it is well known that separating an infant from his or her mother can cause lifelong trauma. It is not the ideal for children to be separated from their biological mothers; as Bagshaw said, her mother would have preferred to parent her, but couldn’t because she didn’t have the resources and ability to do so.

But abortion is also a traumatic — and very permanent — separation.

Abortion is not harmless

Systemic injustices often lead women to feel that abortion is their only choice. Studies have repeatedly found that the reasons women seek abortions are largely due to finances, career or education, or relationships. And this is a tragedy every single time it happens — not just for the preborn child whose life was lost, but for the woman who found herself in a situation that left her feeling abortion was her only choice.

Women deserve to have better options, and not only for adoption. If a woman gets pregnant unexpectedly, it should not be something that threatens her financial well-being, her ability to get an education, or to have a career. Yet continuing to argue that women need abortion is merely upholding the status quo of a world structured around the unchanging fertility of males when women make up half the population; after all, what incentive is there for any society to be more women-and-child-friendly if a woman can simply be pressured into having an abortion instead, convincing her and others that her unique female fertility and power to bring the next generation into existence is a liability instead of a strength?

It is a stark reality that women are being failed, all over the world, every single day.

As Susan B. Anthony wisely said, “Guilty? Yes, no matter what the motive, love of ease, or desire to save from suffering the unborn innocent, the woman is awfully guilty who commits the deed [abortion]. It will burden her conscience in life, it will burden her soul in death; but oh! Thrice guilty is he who, for selfish gratification, heedless of her prayers, indifferent to her fate, drove her to the desperation which impels her to the crime.”

Women and children deserve better than abortion; women deserve the option to be the best mothers (and everything else) they can be. It is unacceptable for adoption to be looked upon as traumatic and abortion as the harmless, “easy” solution to unplanned pregnancy. We must speak honestly about both, in addition to parenting — that the separation of children from their biological parents is traumatic, regardless of the situation. But abortion is permanent separation with no opportunity at life. Abortion robs a child not just of his parents, and not just of his potential adoptive parents, but of his entire existence — and abortion also robs everyone who might have known that child. Which is the greater injustice?

Call on President Trump to pardon the FACE Act prisoners on his first day in office.