I struggled with addiction and trauma, but my baby changed everything

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the author.

I have had the privilege of living out being pro-life as a parent who conceived a child at the age of 18 while deep in the throes of addiction.

When I discovered I was pregnant, I was in no way ready to care for a child. I had been struggling with addiction for about four years. My home life was chaotic and I had turned to using drugs and drinking to numb my pain. I had been bouncing around from one bad living situation to the next.

I had dreams to go to college and a scholarship to do so, but I had very little guidance to make it happen. My best friend at the time suggested it would be best for me and the baby if I had an abortion. She didn’t want me to be tied to a family with a long history of domestic violence and addiction for the rest of my life, and thought it would “spare” the baby from that hardship.

She meant well, but deep down I knew that I couldn’t punish a child for my mistakes. 

Seeing My Baby

The day I had a positive pregnancy test I stopped doing drugs and spent a few weeks miserably detoxing. My pregnancy was incredibly challenging.

My relationship with my family was tumultuous and I had no idea what to expect with my changing body, birth, and motherhood. At some point in my first trimester I had my first appointment with my OB. She tried using a doppler to find the baby’s heartbeat and was struggling so she suggested an ultrasound.

What I saw a was little “fetus” on that screen moving around with its little arm and leg nubs like it was dancing to the music I had just been listening to in my car. I laughed so hard and had a huge sense of relief that even though life was not going to be easy or what I imagined for myself, it was all going to be okay. I could give this baby a better life than I had.

I started reading books about pregnancy and I signed up for the childbirth class at the hospital where I planned to give birth.

Out of the Darkness

In October of 2009, I went to the hospital to deliver my daughter. When she was born, my whole world changed. She began healing my heart in ways that I never could have imagined.

Having someone else to care for in the midst of deep trauma was exactly what I needed. It took a little while, but very slowly I was pulled out of a life of darkness. Being loved unconditionally by this baby showed me that my life was worth living.

She was worth changing everything for. She deserved stability, unconditional love, a safe place to grow, and so much more. 

It was so hard supporting her at first. I had little to no support and would lose a job any time I had to miss work because of a lack of childcare or when she would get sick. After a while, I felt like I was never going to be able to have financial stability.

At about that same time, a friend invited me to church. I went to be polite but once I got there and was shown love by the people there, I kept coming back. About a month or two later I committed my life to Christ and experienced a renewed sense of hope.

Things didn’t get better overnight, but slowly my daughter and I started getting a better foundation and I was eventually able to support us while working two jobs and taking college courses online. 

Our Huge Blessing

When my daughter was four, I met the man who is now my husband. He and my daughter were made for each other. It is amazing how alike they are. They clicked instantly.

We married when she was five and we have gone on to have six more children together.

My daughter, my oldest, is now a teenager and is a huge blessing to everyone she meets. She has grown up to become one of my best friends.

Her relationship with the Lord from such a young age is something to be envied. She is so incredibly smart and loves others so deeply. Her little sisters and brother adore her and she adores them. She has the heart of a servant and such a fiery passion for any sort of injustice, including abortion. She knows that she could easily have been a prime candidate to lose her life if I’d fallen for the lies of the abortion industry.

She plans to serve mothers and babies by becoming a midwife. She inspires me every day. 

Pregnancy Loss and Misdiagnosed Anomalies

In addition, I am pro-life because my third pregnancy miscarried at 20 weeks. My husband and I held our 20-week child in our palms in the hospital and mourned her life. She was loved and wanted, but her life was of equal value to every baby.

I have also experienced the unreliability (and inhumanity) of considering abortion for medical reasons. My fourth pregnancy anatomy scan showed a severe heart defect that babies with Down syndrome usually have — yet my baby was born with no heart defect and no Down syndrome. My fifth baby also had an anatomy scan which showed a life threatening anomaly affecting her kidneys — yet when she was born, she was completely perfect.

We would not have aborted our babies if they had truly had these issues, but it made me wonder how many babies lose their lives every year because they are misdiagnosed by fallible medical professionals. Is mutilating a child truly more humane than allowing them the dignity to pass peacefully?

No Mistakes

I firmly believe that God does not make mistakes when creating life. Every child is a blessing. All life has a purpose and all of humanity is made in the image of God no matter their duration of life, lineage, social status, or medical status. No child, for any reason, deserves to die a brutal, horrific death. 

Bio: Author Megan Petrey is a doula and childbirth educator.