December 12th, 2012.
The one day I will never forget, my mind, my heart won’t let it go, the day I lost my mind. I let go of my beautiful baby.
As I walked into the building that morning, cold was all around me. Snow on the ground was a sign of the cold I would once feel in my heart. But I kept walking, head down trying to ignore the cold. Once I got inside the room was no warmer, yet cold and dark still. I sat there and waited my turn, waited to hear my name called.
I stood up, and walked into the back. They gave me an ultrasound. I wanted to see it so bad, but I couldn’t find the courage to look at my innocent beautiful baby. I was a coward.
Stripped of all my clothes, walked into a room of all white, stripped of my pride I laid there waiting for them to come in and administer the IV. I looked down at my small bump, a door opened and I laid down, arm out and in the needle, as they strapped my hips and as I close my eyes, I saw my baby had the whole world ahead of it and here I was taking it away. I was out.
I woke up. I couldn’t speak and was in the most pain I had ever been. Bleeding all over myself and I could barely walk. They laid me in a bed and covered me up. Shaking, freezing cold, it hit me. My mind flashed back to that white room, it was covered in red. It was then that it impacted me of what I had done. I killed my reason, my beautiful son or daughter who only wanted to be loved by their mother.
I struggle with this, silently. Sometimes I break down and cry for no reason. I wish I could’ve changed the path I took and never laid down in that room like a coward… Everyday I miss that baby, and I never even saw it.
I’m not the same, but one thing I know. Abortion is murder and nobody prepares you for the after effects. I’m taking a stand, for those who can’t speak. And I would love if you could help me.