Funds and felonies at Planned Parenthood

“We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold…”
–Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Photo by Angela George

Johnny Depp is a talented individual. In less than a decade, his charm and comedic skills have taken piracy–a profession built on theft and murder–and transformed it into wholesome family fun. But before he was swilling Caribbean rum, Depp made a film that revolved around other substances.

In 1998, he starred as journalist Raoul Duke in the big-screen adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Law Vegas. The story followed Duke on a trip to Nevada as he searched for “the American Dream”…which somehow required him to ingest massive amounts of cocaine, mescaline, and LSD. According to Duke,  the journey was “a classic affirmation of everything right and true and decent in the national character.”

To me, it seemed more like a catalog of drunk driving, property destruction, harassment, and drug abuse than any sort of affirmation–but then again, I was sober when I watched the movie, so I might not have been in the best frame of mind to appreciate it.

As the narcotics binge drew to an end, Duke and his attorney started worrying about its legal ramifications. “The only hope now, I felt, was the possibility that we’d gone to such excess, with our gig, that nobody in a position to bring the hammer down on us could possibly believe it.” Surprisingly, Duke’s habit of committing crimes and indiscretions too bizarre for belief paid off–he escaped from Vegas mostly unscathed. Vegas, on the other hand, wasn’t as lucky.

This approach to criminality isn’t unique to Raoul Duke–it’s also worked well for America’s largest abortion provider, Planned Parenthood. Like Thompson’s protagonist, the organization has a history of engaging in freakish acts that slip comfortably under the radar. But whereas Dr. Duke’s recklessness only endangered those he came in contact with, Planned Parenthood’s crimes occur on an industrial scale. These misdeeds include assisting sex predators and human traffickers, evidently  without fear that anyone will “bring the hammer down.” Whether it’s offering to perform abortions on underage prostitutes who can’t speak English or explaining how to lie about a minor’s age, Planned Parenthood’s staff don’t hesitate when it comes to law breaking.

Getting away with such conduct isn’t even the most absurd aspect of the story. For reasons that would only make sense to someone in the middle of a hallucinogen bender (or on Capital Hill),  Planned Parenthood has managed to not only avoid any legal consequences, but actually collects over three-hundred millions dollars in federal funding every year. Instead of an indictment, it gets a check.

There’s a possibility that this crime spree is about to hit a speed-bump, however. Recently, it was announced that Congress is moving to investigate Planned Parenthood’s activities. In September, the chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Investigations, Cliff Stearns, sent a letter to Planned Parenthood that requested documents pertaining to it’s use of public funds, as well as “how PPFA (Planned Parenthood Federation of America) detects criminal conduct and the policies and procedures in place to prevent it or report it.”

Planned Parenthood has long been suspected of financial irregularities, so it will be interesting to see what is uncovered. However, you don’t have to wait to find out how the organization protects vulnerable girls from predators. Live Action has proven that in case after case, the answer is simple: they don’t. Planned Parenthood has repeatedly shown a willingness to help statutory rapists and pimps inflict misery, and they deserve to face the consequences for doing so. As Hunter Thompson used to say, “Buy the ticket, take the ride.”

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