Encouraging abstinence is about truth, not judgment

I help run a couple of pro-life blogs on tumblr, and while I like to see what questions and suggestions are submitted, some of them almost make me want to pull my hair out.

Those who are using tumblr and accessing blogs that deal with the likes of pregnancy and abortion should be aware that sex can and does create babies and that sometimes birth control can fail, and thus abstinence is the only sure way to prevent pregnancy. There are a few reasons to remain abstinent, but the most obvious one is to be sure you don’t get pregnant when you’re not ready. That being said, I and others who help run these blogs like to point this out and remind any followers and viewers of the benefits of abstinence. So I’ve mentioned, in an encouraging tone, abstinence on quite a few occasions.

Except encouraging or suggesting, or even just mentioning, abstinence apparently makes me out to be someone who wants to control people’s sex lives, or dictate when it’s okay and not okay to have sex. That is not what I’m doing at all. Apparently, by stating the truth, though, I’m making judgment calls.

I like to encourage others to remain abstinent, but to help them, not to control or judge them. From my personal experiences, I do believe that abstinence will genuinely be best for someone in the long run in the emotional and spiritual sense. Could such reasons for remaining abstinent be subjective? Perhaps. Except there is another, objective reason for remaining abstinent, which is to avoid pregnancy with a 100% success rate.

I do try to see where pro-choice individuals are coming from, especially when responding to their questions and comments on tumblr. But what I have a low tolerance for is the refusal to deal with sexuality in a responsible way that acknowledges the reality of the situation. I am going to recommend abstinence, but if my recommendation is not taken, then there’s nothing I can really do about two adults consenting to have sex with each other. Sex is enjoyable for many people, and so they do have sex for reasons other than having children. No intent, though, will change the fact that children can and do come from fertile people having sex.

When I remind someone, anybody, about abstinence, I am not making a judgment call. I am simply reminding them about the truth behind sexuality and how to really be responsible. If you have sex and use birth control, then yes, you are being responsible with your sex life. You are not being fully responsible, though, until you acknowledge the reproductive nature of sex and the fact that birth control can and does fail. That is why if you wish to be as responsible and as sure as you can be, there is always abstinence.