‘I just want my baby back’: Reddit poster shares traumatic abortion pill experience

A Reddit poster recently shared the story of her abortion pill experience, including two photos of her 10-week-old deceased baby, which she named “Bean.” Her comments illuminate the trauma and anguish that many women experience after taking the abortion pill.

“20 minutes ago I had an MA [medication abortion] at home and it was the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. I’m so sorry little bean,” the poster, known by the handle brazen177, wrote. “Bean was moving its legs and heart was still beating when they came out in one push.” 

In another comment, the poster described the entire abortion pill process, sharing that she began to vomit and experience severe cramping a few hours after taking misoprostol (the second drug in the abortion pill regimen): 

First my water broke, then another push later baby came out quite quickly along with big clots. I immediately felt relief, so I grabbed a glove and fished in the toilet and baby was in there.

As soon as I pulled baby out, legs were moving and I could feel the heartbeat in my hand. Heartbeat slowly faded and stopped moving. Definetely [sic] the most traumatic thing either of us have been through. :(

The poster expressed that she was not told how painful the experience would be.

“I feel like I wasn’t given all the info I needed going into it,” she wrote, adding “I was told it would feel like a period, but my experience was much worse. Definetely [sic] the most pain I’ve ever felt in my whole life, and wish I was prepared for it.”

In another comment, she said: “I literally gave birth, and nobody told me it would be like that. The contractions were so intense it was unbearable. About 15 mins before it was out I started telling my partner to call someone because I couldn’t handle it anymore.” 

She also stated that she was not prepared to see her baby.

1st Trimester Abortion | The Abortion Pill | What Is Abortion?

“I was not informed the fetus would be whole. So it was quite a shocking moment when I saw it. I don’t think I was prepared well enough at all for the entire experience,” the poster shared. “I consulted with a doctor and unfortunately they did not mention once that I would see that and what to do with it after,” she posted, adding: “I feel that they sugar coated all of it to make it seem easy but it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through.” 

“They definitely need to be more honest about the pain and the process,” she concluded.

The poster expressed ambivalence about her experience in the comments section. Seventeen hours after her initial post, she wrote: 

Just feeling incredibly empty. When you’re pregnant you feel so full and purposeful and now I just feel numb & empty inside. My lil bump is gone, the constant nausea is gone, I simply feel nothing at this point.

I finally broke down and had a good cry since it happened, regretting my decision but knowing it was the only right and fair decision to make.

Later, she stated: “It was not an easy choice. It was one that I thought about for a long time trying to decide. Now I’m not sure I made the right decision,” adding, “it’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and one that I regret, I’ll never forget that experience ever.” 

Days after the experience, the poster wrote: “Life still feels like a sick fever dream that I can’t escape,” finally concluding, “I just want my baby back. This is so hard.”

For more information about the abortion pill and more personal stories from women who have taken it, see Live Action’s “I Saw My Baby” webpage.