As a former Planned Parenthood medical director, Kathi Aultman was completely on board with committing abortions. She felt that it was a right that women needed. But as time went on and she gave birth to her own child, she began to see abortion in a different light, which led to intense remorse for her time as an abortionist.
It was an article comparing abortion to the Holocaust that gave Aultman that final push to convert her from pro-choice to pro-life. And after she finally realized the truth — that abortion kills innocent human beings — her guilt was overwhelming.
“When I read that comparison between the Holocaust and abortion, I finally understood how they could do the horrible things they did,” she told Live Action president Lila Rose. “Because just as I didn’t see the fetus as a person, they didn’t see the Jews and the Gypsies and others as people. And if you don’t consider someone human, you can do anything you want. That’s when I realized that I was a mass murderer, that I had killed all of these people. And that’s when I completely changed my view on abortion.” (emphasis added)
Once her view had changed to pro-life, Aultman had to face her guilt and remorse. It took time to reach the point of being able to forgive herself for killing “more people than Ted Bundy.”
“It really took reading a lot of books and some counseling and then I actually went to a Christian Healing Center down in Jacksonville,” she explained. “[…] It really took God asking me, He said, “Are you more powerful than I am that I can forgive and you can not forgive yourself?”
She said she “never understood what crying your eyes out meant until that point.” After that, Aultman became a pro-life activist, even testifying before Congress in support of a pro-life bill.
Aultman isn’t alone in dealing with the guilt that comes when an abortionist or abortion worker realizes that they have played a part in killing innocent human beings.
Dr. Bernard Nathanson was behind the push to legalize abortion, ushering in what he referred to as a “barbaric age.” Eventually, he became pro-life after taking a job as director of obstetrics at a hospital in New York City where he had to set up a prenatal research unit.
“Fetology makes it undeniably evident that life begins at conception and requires all the protection and safeguards that any of us enjoy,” he explained.
Before his death in 2011, Nathanson – a “Jewish atheist” who converted to Catholicism – spoke about his part in the deaths of thousands of preborn children.
“I am deeply troubled,” he once wrote, “by my own increasing certainty that I had in fact presided over 60,000 deaths.”
Dr. Anthony Levatino is a former abortionist who committed about 1,200 abortions. But after he lost his five-year-old daughter to an accident, he saw everything differently — including abortion. He saw each preborn baby as someone’s child now and he could no longer take part in killing these vulnerable human beings.
“I became involved in the pro-life movement,” he wrote, “and that has helped me heal and to find forgiveness. How do you make up for the 1,200 dead kids? You can’t, not without the grace of God.”
He said that as an abortionist he “was at the epicenter of the earthquake” but now he can see that abortion affects everyone who has a connection to the child. “I regret performing abortions,” he said.
Dr. Hayward Robinson and his wife Dr. Noreen Johnson — who worked alongside him at the abortion facility — were happy with the money they were earning from abortions. But after their faith showed them they were “hired killers,” they had a change of heart. They left the abortion industry and now work to convert others.
“I cringe at how casually I slipped into the dark world of abortion and how I could both deliver babies and kill babies in the same hospital and on the same day,” said Robinson.
It isn’t just abortionists who deal with guilt and remorse. Those who work alongside them — the nurses and the counselors- – also struggle with the realities of what they’ve taken part in.
Former abortion worker Noemi said of her time working at an abortion facility: “I was angry and bitter most of the time, barely smiled and had a morbidly sick sense of humor. […] My biggest problem has been learning to forgive myself and love myself again; learning to deal with the guilt I carry for allowing myself to turn away from the oath I took to save lives and for hands-on participating in taking lives.”
Margo worked in a late-term abortion facility and shared the pain and regret she felt for participating in those abortions which were “overwhelmingly… not for fetal anomalies.”
“The heavy burden of guilt and shame never ever left in all those years because who can you talk to about this?” she said. “If you tell somebody what you did, they aren’t going to understand.”
She said that “the only way through it and the only way to feel healing is that you really have to admit your culpability and you have to understand that there is no sin too great for God to redeem.”
With 60 million preborn babies killed through abortion since it was legalized in the United States in 1973, there are countless abortionists and abortion workers struggling to forgive themselves and many more who don’t even realize they need forgiveness. Abortion isn’t just a woman’s personal choice. It affects our entire society.
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