What to do if your boyfriend – or anyone – wants you to get an abortion

Note: This article is for any girl or woman who is feeling pressured into having an abortion. If you are a guy who is trying to find out how to stop an abortion, please see this article written for dads. You may also want to read 10 reasons not to have an abortion.

1.  Stand your ground.

You know you don’t want an abortion. Maybe you know in your heart that your child is a real, live person (you’re right!). Maybe you know your science and facts already. Maybe you can’t bear to be a part of killing an innocent human being. Maybe you already love your child. Maybe you or someone you know has had an abortion, and you know the physical and emotional pain that comes with it.

Whatever your reason, you do not have to get an abortion. It is against the law for anyone to force or coerce you to get one. You are your child’s mother, and no one – not your boyfriend, husband, parents, pimp, teacher, or lady at the grocery store – can make you get an abortion.

Let your “no!” mean “no!” – no matter what anyone else tells you. Your baby is a new, unique person who deserves a chance at life. Period.

If you ever need to be reminded why you don’t want an abortion, read real stories from real women who have had abortions, and watch these (non-graphic) videos about what abortion really is.

Their experiences will remind you why you don’t want to do this, and will help keep you strong in difficult moments. (You can also read encouraging stories from girls who have been in your situation! Check out the Embrace Grace blog or the book A Bump in Life.)

More stories:

• Until We Meet Again

• Hundreds of women share their deep regret and pain after abortion

• Heartache and Hell

• I Regret Killing My Child

• Soul-Deep Ache

2.  Seek legal help when necessary.

If you are in an abusive, dangerous, or threatening situation, seek help. If you need to contact the police, do so. If you need an attorney on your side, he or she can help you get a restraining order against someone who is trying to force you to have an abortion. Your attorney can also send a letter to all abortion clinics or hospitals in your area and advise them that if you are brought to them for an abortion, it is against your will and they are not to perform one.

If you are still taken to an abortion clinic, you can call police, or text someone to call them for you. [Do this, too, if the abortion clinic itself is trying to force you to have an abortion – no matter how far into the clinic you are.] If you think it will stop the abortion, you can tell the abortion doctor or the nurse that you are going to call police if they do not stop.  Police officers are supposed to enforce the letter that prohibits the clinic from performing an abortion on you. And, it is an illegal assault for an abortion doctor to perform an abortion against your will.

There are several legal organizations that often help at no cost. You can contact Alliance Defending Freedom, the Thomas More Law Center, the ACLJ, Liberty Counsel, the American Freedom Law Center, Life Legal Defense Foundation, the Law of Life Project, the Texas Center for Defense of Life, or the The Foundation for Moral Law. And just because one attorney tells you no, that doesn’t mean there’s not another one out there willing to help you. So keep trying, and don’t take no for an answer (though you probably won’t have to). These attorneys are usually more than happy to take cases like yours.

Just remember – you do not need to stay with someone who is physically or emotionally abusive to you, or someone who pressures you to kill your child. An ultrasound and seeing the baby’s heartbeat do change a number of guys’ minds, so give him that chance if you think it’s best, but if your boyfriend continues to pressure and threaten you, get out.

3.  Find emotional, spiritual, and material support.

It can be draining to do this alone. No matter how much you love your baby, you may get overwhelmed, sad, angry, and stressed out. But you don’t have to do it alone! Find someone you can discuss your parenting plan with or someone you can talk about adoption with, if that interests you. Find someone who will go shopping for baby clothes with you, someone who will be excited for you!

Pregnancy resource centers can be a lifeline for you right now. They can help with many things – pointing you to resources for medical help, giving you prenatal vitamins and baby supplies, equipping you with the real facts about abortion and fetal development, listening and talking to you, believing in you and in life for your child, and often, giving you free ultrasounds. Sometimes all your boyfriend may need to change his mind is to see your baby on that screen, with her tiny heart beating away.

Pregnancy centers help you feel equipped and supported. (Photo credit: MD Clic Photography on Flickr)

As I’ve written before:

You can locate a pregnancy center in your area by visiting Option Line’s or Pregnancy Line’s websites and entering your zip code. Image Clear Ultrasound or Save the Storks may also have a mobile ultrasound unit in your area – contact them to find out or ask if they will come where you are. They will provide a free ultrasound and someone helpful for [you] to talk to. …

Embrace Grace, Hidden Choices, and Teen Mother Choices International are three amazing organizations that can help some women throughout their pregnancies. Embrace Grace also has a blog with stories of women who chose to keep their babies or give them to a family through adoption.

Another organization that helps women in a personal, confidential way — you can email or text at your convenience — is Stand Up Girl. They provide personalized conversation and plenty of factual information. There are also stories of other women on their site, available for you to read or watch.

4.  Know your facts so you can fight for your child and yourself.

Here are some resources I’ve pointed to in an earlier article:

• You can read up on the scientific, moral, and philosophical bases for defending human life.

• You can learn a lot of information by going through this well-done and very interesting research paper that covers several aspects of abortion, including possible mental and physical health effects on women.

• Here are ultrasound and other images, a heartbeat recording, and developmental info of unborn babies at various ages. Here is a video series that include medical animations and a description of the risks abortion poses to women.

• Accurate descriptions of what happens in two of the most common forms of abortion can be found

The girl is moving in the womb; displays a heartbeat of 140 per minute; and is at times sucking her thumb. As the abortionist’s suction tip begins to invade the womb, the child rears and moves violently in an attempt to avoid the instrument. Her mouth is visibly open in a “silent scream.” The child’s heart rate speeds up dramatically (to 200 beats per minute) as she senses aggression. She moves violently away in a pathetic attempt to escape the instrument. The abortionist’s suction tip begins to rip the baby’s limbs from its body, ultimately leaving only her head in the uterus (too large to be pulled from the uterus in one piece). The abortionist attempts to crush her head with his forceps, allowing it to be removed. In an effort to “dehumanize” the procedure, the abortionist and anesthesiologist refer to the baby’s head as “number 1.” The abortionist crushes “number 1″ with the forceps and removes it from the uterus.

• You can also find good videos, ads, and documentaries about abortion and help for pregnancy from many different organizations.

2nd Trimester Surgical Abortion: Dilation and Evacuation (D & E)

Conclusion

In the end, remember that you are fighting for your child and for yourself as a mother. You are the only one who is this baby’s mother, and his life is very much in your hands. You are strong, and you are capable; you were made that way. And you are already a mother. Not a potential mother. One right now, in this moment.

“At 8 weeks, this baby can kick and straighten his legs, and move his arms up and down.” This and other incredible 4D ultrasound photos can be found here – copyright of Life Dynamics.

So fight with all you have for the life of your baby. And find someone who will fight for you. If you believe in Christ, you know that you already have Someone Who is fighting on your behalf right now. And He has already conquered death.

I’ll close with the beautiful words of a young mother whom I had the privilege of talking with. Despite her boyfriend’s opposition (which changed after she wrote this) and her parents’ disapproval, she gave life to her baby girl:

I know your scared. I was so scared and my ex wouldnt even let me tell my friends. I felt so alone, but when I finaly told them I got so much support and my best friend even went with me to tell my parents. Sometimes you need that buffer. … I would atleast listen to your baby’s heart beat. That literly chanced my mind completly. …

I even went with my ex-boyfriend (the father of my daughter) to the first appointment to get an abortion. But as soon as I heard her heart beat I knew I couldn’t do it. My boyfriend pressured me but I knew that no matter what even if I gave her up for adoption at least she would be alive. … I didn’t want my mom to know either and I hid my pregnecy from my parents actually till about a few weeks ago. (I’m 6 months pregent now). It didn’t go well, so I understand how hard it is. I’m not even on speaking terms with my parents. But atleast I know that my daughter will have my love no matter what. My ex is bearly in the picture only coming around when he feels like it. The are places that can help you. my advice would be to at least hear your baby’s heart beat. Belive me it is probley the most amazing thing I have ever exsperinced and the reason I am now going to raise my daughter on my own with out my parents or her dad. …