Eric Slaughter was just trying to be mindful of his college girlfriend’s feelings when he gave her the money she requested for an abortion.
Slaughter told Live Action News, “She told me she was pregnant and was determined to get the abortion. I didn’t resist because I thought it must have been a hard decision for her. So, I went to the bank to get the money then took her to the hospital, but she didn’t want me to stay.”
He called her the next day but was shocked to discover his girlfriend was infuriated with him, after doing exactly what she wanted him to do. “She was yelling at me and there was all this heated exchange back and forth between us,” Slaughter said. “It was a very confusing time. In retrospect, I realize she was angry with me for not trying to save our baby.”
But while Slaughter didn’t know much about abortion, the reality of what his girlfriend had done hit her full force afterward.
Slaughter said, “I always just thought that early in a pregnancy, it was just a blob of tissue. I didn’t think of it as a baby. Despite my initial acquiescence, I was conflicted. I told my mother about the pregnancy and my girlfriend wanting to have the abortion, hoping she might intervene, but she said nothing. I thought she must think it’s okay.”
Ironically, when Slaughter’s sister experienced an unplanned pregnancy, she had originally decided to place her baby with an adoptive family, but this upset his mother. “My sister kept her baby and my mother helped raise the child,” Slaughter said. “I felt some resentment toward her for not helping me. In my heart, I knew abortion was wrong and wanted my mother to step in. She was a Baptist minister’s daughter and we had been close.”
The bitter realization
Eventually Slaughter and his girlfriend married but she never wanted to have more children. The marriage dissolved within a year. “We never discussed the abortion,” Slaughter said. “Though she wanted the divorce, she kept in touch frequently.”
Years later, she told Slaughter she’d had a hysterectomy. The only baby she would ever have had been killed through abortion. “I felt guilty that she would never be a mother and blamed myself for relegating her to a life without children,” Slaughter said. “I felt like a failure as a man for not protecting her.”
When Slaughter remarried, his new wife converted to Catholicism and the issue of abortion came up. While he didn’t consider himself pro-choice, he felt women should be able to make their own decisions regarding their bodies. But his mindset shifted dramatically when he, too, came into the Catholic Church and started studying its teachings on pro-life principles.
Slaughter said, “I recall hearing abortionists explain how a baby was ripped from the womb during the procedure and recognized this is a human being and I paid money to have my baby killed.”
For Slaughter, it was a bitter realization. To take part, even indirectly, in such an inhumane practice was a burden he couldn’t bear. But when he met Sister Diane during Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) classes, she offered him a way to face his demons and to find redemption.
“Sister Diane talked me into attending a retreat at Rachel’s Vineyard,” Slaughter said. “I was the only man among 6 or 7 women, and I was rather intimidated and a bit scared.”
He assumed he wouldn’t be welcome but when he nervously told his story, he was thanked for providing testimony from a man’s perspective.
Slaughter said, “The women told me they had never considered how abortion also adversely affects men.”
Helping post-abortive men heal
The retreat was immensely powerful for Slaughter who now had the courage to publicly acknowledge his role in the death of his child, along with the understanding that he was a new man in Christ.“I needed to heal by learning to accept God’s forgiveness and to forgive myself and my mother for her part,” Slaughter said.
He called his ex-wife and told her he was sorry he hadn’t protected her and their child. Slaughter said, “She told me it wasn’t my fault. She had discussed the abortion with a therapist and had dealt with it in her own way.”
Now, Slaughter serves as a facilitator at the retreat and finds that assisting others also helps him further his journey of restoration.
“Men are often told that abortion is okay,” Slaughter said. “That you shouldn’t have any feelings about it. But I want men to understand they have a right to grieve and to take responsibility to protect the mother and the child.”
Along with David Bangs, Slaughter launched a Project Joseph chapter in Indianapolis for post-abortive men. He is a speaker with the Indianapolis Right to Life Speakers Bureau and visits churches and schools to speak about the devastation of abortion. He contributed a chapter to the book, “The Aftermath: Stories of God’s Grace & Freedom After Abortion,” written by Sally Thompson and La Quita Maxey.
Slaughter also writes a heartfelt blog, “Lost Fatherhood Found” on the website he founded, Roman Catholic Gentleman, where he discusses how abortion has devastated the country and promoted divisiveness among men and women.
“I now have a relationship with my child,” Slaughter said. “God has revealed to me that I have a daughter and that I no longer have to hold onto my pain to have a connection with her.”
