Everyone wants the perfect romance, but a new video from Live Action in its new “The Truth About Sex” series points out that one of the things we hear the most lies about today is sex. The video “Four Lies About Sex” shares four falsehoods that we need to overcome.
In the video, Rose says both the sexual revolution of the 1960s and the purity culture movement of the 1990s have sent us various confusing and false messages about sex.
The sexual revolution was a “reaction to the double standard that society seemed to have” for men and women — it was fine for men to “sleep around and be praised for it, while women should be virginal and virtuous. Demand everything of women and nothing of men,” Rose points out. The sexual revolution, therefore, removed all standards for both men and women. “Demand that women behave just as promiscuously as promiscuous men,” Rose says. “So the sexual revolution became a war on… faithful marriage between and man and a woman… and… having children.” Things like contraception, no-fault divorce, pornography, and easy abortion were promised as a way to improve people’s sex lives.
Purity culture was a response to the libertinism brought about by the sexual revolution. It was an “attempt to rescue marriage, or really, virginity until marriage from the decades-long attack” from the sexual revolution, says Rose. Yet, this “sexual prosperity gospel” that was supposed to be a guarantee of “marital and sexual bliss” didn’t deliver what it promised. While Rose says purity culture had good intentions and is closer to the truth, it “fumbled in its delivery” and created “disenchanted young people” who often ended up walking away from the idea of sexual purity entirely.
BIG LIE #1: “Sex is the core of our identity and happiness.”
Live Action founder and CEO Lila Rose notes in the video that one big message society puts forth is that “Acting on our sexual urges is core to our identity and happiness.”
This idea, notes Rose, “says that your sexual desire is uncontrollable and that to even try to control it is unhealthy.” It presents sex as the most important thing in a person’s life. Oddly enough, this message — that sex is the most important aspect of a person’s life — is embedded in both the sexual revolution and purity culture in different ways. But both result in treating one’s sexual partners — and even future spouses — as sex objects meant to fulfill our own sexual urges.
The truth, says Rose, is that “Your sexual urges or attractions are not the deepest part of who you are,” and that “self-control is the true path to freedom.”
“It is possible to live a deeply happy, fulfilled life without having sex,” says Rose. “An orgasm is no one’s master. Our sexual urges do not own us and should not rule us.” Sexual desires are things we experience, not the core of our identity,” she adds.
At the same time society believes that sex is essential to identity and happiness, it also puts forth a contradictory message…
BIG LIE #2: “Sex is no big deal.”
Rose notes that a seemingly conflicting message we receive in this regard is that while sex is the most important part of our identity and happiness, sex can also be “casual,” and “It can just be a hookup.” But Rose notes that “sex is far too powerful” for it to ever be casual.
“Sex is one of the most bonding things that you can physically do with someone,” Rose says, describing the release of hormones and chemicals during sex that cause emotional and psychological bonds between partners.
In addition, sex creates new human beings. “That’s one of the greatest powers that we have,” says Rose, and this is why treating sex as “casual” is so damaging. When a child is created from sex between partners who do not want to be parents, this leads to tragedies like abortion. The CDC has noted that 87% of women who abort their children are unmarried at the time.
“Abortion is directly downstream from sex outside of marriage,” notes Rose.
BIG LIE #3: “Sex is all about our own pleasure.”
We’re told that sex is about what’s in it for me, and what I can get out of it. This lie has been perpetuated by both the sexual revolution and, to some extent, purity culture, says Rose, by treating sexual partners as objects.
“The truth is, sex should be about love. Sex is about freely and totally giving yourself, body, heart, and soul to another person and receiving that person back. A person you have committed to for life and who has committed life and love to you in return… until death do us part,” says Rose.
“In a marriage, men should seek to please their wives just as much as wives should seek to please their husbands…. Sex takes communication, understanding, and practice… and that’s not a bad thing. That’s a beautiful thing,” says Rose. She also points out that the idea of testing “sexual compatibility” is a lie. “Sexual compatibility is the result of deep love, understanding, commitment, and practice,” she says.
BIG LIE #4: “Sex is dirty, shameful, taboo.”
Rose notes that at the same time we’re told that sex is the core of our identity, while being no big deal and just about obtaining pleasure for ourselves, we are also told that sex is shameful and “not something that’s ok to talk about.”
She points out that in purity culture and other ideologies, “Sex was often defined for many people only by its harms when it’s misused, and so sex became bad, and our bodies were somehow shameful, and sexual attraction was somehow shameful. Or sex was a taboo subject that nobody wanted to discuss, leading to lots of confusion and pain for people who were never taught any healthy sexual ethics.”
But the truth, Rose says, is that sex is good, and not shameful. “It is true that sex can lead to tremendous harm when it is misused…. the better something is, the worse its harms when it’s misused…. A society in which sex is kept within marriage is one in which most men and women have the healthiest, most long-lasting relationships and the best and most frequent sex.”
