Blair Brewer grew up in a conservative Christian household, so she was adamant about saving sex until marriage — but then, she turned 18 and had her first sexual encounter. She and her boyfriend became sexually active in high school, and it didn’t take long before she became pregnant.
Brewer told Live Action News, “It was one weekend in November that I was visiting my boyfriend at his college that I decided to take a pregnancy test. I didn’t have any symptoms, I was just a bit paranoid. When it came back positive, I felt as if my life was over.”
Yet her boyfriend was calm, even seemed happy when he learned of the pregnancy.
“He tried to console me,” Brewer said. “But all I could think of was having to tell my mother. I was doing everything against what I had been taught.”
The “Quick Fix” That Wasn’t
The next day, while driving back to school, Brewer called a friend and asked for the number for Planned Parenthood. She needed a “quick fix” so she could move on and never think about this time in her life again.
But she had to come up with $500 to pay for the abortion.
“I borrowed the money from friends,” Brewer said. “My boyfriend, while not supportive of my decision to end the pregnancy, didn’t try to stop me. I was the bold one, always taking charge.”
Her friend accompanied her to Planned Parenthood on the day she was scheduled for the abortion. There, she was asked if she wanted to be sedated, but she refused – she needed to be at Bible study that night or her mother would become suspicious.
“I didn’t want anything to keep me from going to class that night,” Brewer said.
As she lay on the cold table in the procedure room, she could hear a radio playing in the background. A nurse was beside her and told her to squeeze her hand if she needed. She was startled by a loud sound.
Brewer said, “The vacuum was turned on and I experienced the worst physical pain I’ve ever had. I remember it lasting about two songs on the radio. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.”
She never went back for a follow-up visit.
“I had a complete breakdown when I returned to my apartment that day,” Brewer said. “I was passing clots in the bathroom. I just sat on the floor and sobbed.”
Devastated by what she had done, she reached into the toilet and scooped up the largest clot and held it tenderly in her hands as if she was cradling her baby. Then, she got ready for Bible study.
Brewer said, “All I could think of was what I had done. When I got back to my apartment later that evening, I was an emotional mess.”
A Second Pregnancy Ends in Miscarriage
Four months after her abortion, she graduated college and got engaged to her boyfriend. Not long after, she became pregnant again. She contemplated making another appointment at Planned Parenthood but was averse to ever going there again.
“My parents were on vacation, and I called to tell them I was pregnant,” Brewer said. “To my surprise, they were supportive. My stepfather offered to raise our baby if necessary. I was heartbroken to think they may have helped the first time as well.”
The couple set their wedding date in August. Brewer felt more confident with her second pregnancy, knowing she would soon be married. But just a week before the wedding, she suffered a miscarriage.
Brewer said, “I was taking a shower and unexpectedly saw blood everywhere. I called my mom who took me to the hospital. I had to have a D&C just before my wedding.”
Strangely, she felt a mixture of sadness and relief at the loss of another baby.
“I had to stay local for my honeymoon and couldn’t even go into the hot tub with my husband,” Brewer said. “I later learned that miscarriages can be linked to abortions.”
Divulging a 16-year secret
Three years ago, Brewer’s past caught up with her. She was listening to the news one day and heard that Roe v. Wade had been overturned by the Supreme Court.
Brewer said, “I was immediately triggered and felt like I was having another meltdown. I talked to my pastor who told me to connect with a woman who was our state rep and was campaigning for local office. She asked me to tell my testimony to a group of women.”
She agreed to “go public” with her story but first had to tell her mother about the secret she’d harbored for 16 years. She called her mother to arrange an in-person meeting but, sensing the tension in Brewer’s voice, her mother didn’t want to wait to hear what Brewer was about to tell her.
“So, I told my mother about the abortion, but at first, she got confused, thinking I was referring to my miscarriage,” Brewer said. “I told her I was too scared initially to tell her but now that I was asked to speak, I wanted her to know.”
Brewer’s mother accepted the news better than she anticipated, finally relieving her of the burden she had carried for so long. Today, Brewer’s mother fully supports her mission to save other women from the trauma of abortion.
But she still had work to do in her marriage. While in couples therapy, Brewer began to realize she had never discussed the abortion with her husband (the father of the baby) and had no idea how he felt about it.
Brewer said, “When I confronted him, he broke down and cried. It was then I realized how hurt he had been. I was very selfish and irrational.”
For Brewer, the journey to openly discussing her abortion has been a difficult one — but over time, it has become easier.
“When I first started speaking, I couldn’t even say the word ‘abortion.’ I would refer to it as the ‘A’ word,” Brewer said. “But as I told my story more often, I began to face what I had done and have finally come to forgive myself. I want to share my story – so women know there’s always better options than abortion.”
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