‘It hit me like a ton of bricks’: Woman wishes she had known the truth before her abortion

loss, abortion

In her short memoir, “The Things I Wished I Knew….Before I Aborted My Children,” author Farrah Christine describes her trauma after having two abortions. She writes:

I loathe myself for aborting two babies, and decades later I am still unable to cope with the choices that I made and the ignorance that embodied me at the time I made these choices… I suffer greatly from depression due to the fact that I destroyed my children.

Farrah says she apologizes to God for the death of her children every single day.

When Farrah became pregnant, she was running with a “liberal” crowd who were pro-abortion. The people who surrounded her all were abortion supporters, and she wasn’t exposed to any pro-lifers. She says her parents never taught her that abortion was wrong.

According to Farrah, “I was somewhat brainwashed by the mentality that surrounded me.”

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Farrah admits she was never “fully comfortable” with her choices to have abortions, but the people closest to her continuously reassured her she was doing the right thing.

She knew nothing about fetal development or the scientific evidence that life begins at conception. She now says, “I wish I understood that it wasn’t a blob of cells in my body, that it was a life… I wish I had been educated differently and understood what was in my womb.”

Farrah’s abortion trauma became severe when she gave birth to her first child, a son. As soon as she saw him, she began thinking about the two children she had aborted. Farrah says:

I can actually remember over seven years ago holding my firstborn child in my arms and thinking of the precious children that I had given up years before. And the birth of my first child was slightly tainted with the realization (finally) of what I had actually done.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been carrying precious little babies inside of me. 

When she thought about how careful she’d been while pregnant with her son and how much value she’d placed on him while he was in her womb, she realized that her other two children had been valuable as well.

Besides being uninformed about fetal development and the science behind the pro-life position, Farrah knew nothing about the emotional aftereffects of abortion. She says:

I wish I had known that I would be haunted, before I made the choice to eliminate the existence of my children. I wish I had understood that I would have a lifetime of regret and mourning…

I made the “easy” choice. Then, later in life, I gave birth to children and realized that the one’s [sic] I had aborted would have been equally treasured and equally loved.

Now that “easy” choice has in many ways destroyed my life. Again, I wish I knew that I would have loved them.

She wrote her book to encourage other women not to abort their children – not to make the same mistake she did.

Sadly, as of the time of the book’s publication, Farrah hadn’t yet found healing. There are many places where post-abortive women can find help. Pregnancy resource centers often run Bible studies to help women who are suffering after their abortions. These centers can be found by searching online.

Groups like Silent No More collect testimonies from post-abortive women and help them find support to heal. Project Rachel is a Catholic-sponsored group that helps post-abortive women.

These are Christian ministries. But there are options for nonreligious people as well. One site that is secular is Abortion Changes You. The pro-life group Secular Pro-Life has a page that offers resources to post-abortive non-Christian or non-religious women. They also have information on how to find a therapist who can help with post-abortive loss, grief, and regret.

Hopefully, Farrah will find her way to one of these resources. Healing after abortion is possible.

Source: Farrah Christine The Things I Wish I Knew… Before I Aborted My Children (2013) Kindle Edition


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