Editor’s note: This is a humorous presentation of very real science
In a shocking study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers found that fetuses who hear specific, repeated sounds in utero are likely to recognize those sounds – and differentiate them from others – after they are born. The study, conducted by researchers from the University of Helsinski, revealed that blobs of tissue are capable not only of hearing sounds in utero, but also of remembering and recognizing those sounds weeks or months later, after they are released from the uterine environment.
In the study, thirty-three women experiencing intrauterine growth (labeled by some as “pregnancy”) were separated into two groups of sixteen and seventeen, respectively. Women of the latter group were given CDs which repeated a sequence of nonsensical phrases (tatata and tatota). The CD was repeated regularly by women of the latter group during the intrauterine growth period. In some of the sequences, variations of pitch were incorporated into the nonsense phrases, but the ‘words’ stayed the same. In an incomprehensible conclusion, these researchers found that, after hearing these babbling sounds repeatedly, the intrauterine contents of the second group recognized the phrases after birth. The sixteen blobs who had not been exposed to the CD’s sounds did not display a marked response to the phrases after birth.
Researchers are discovering the growing ledger of abilities attributed to these clumps of intrauterine cells at an alarming rate. With the ability to hear, remember, and develop shockingly humanoid characteristics such as cardiovascular systems and neurological pathways as early as the first trimester, one wonders: Is the world approaching the heretofore-unimaginable day when these intrauterine contents might be labeled human by those outside of the medical and scientific communities? And if so, what effect will that classification have on major media outlets, such as MSNBC, who have worked tirelessly to ensure that scientific and medical facts not be integrated into pop culture?