(Life Defenders) You almost daily hear in the news about women speaking up against sexual assault with the #MeToo movement. My #MeToo involves my mother, abuse, and forced abortion.
My name is Kathy Hobbs and from the impressionable age of five, I was sexually abused by my mother. I only knew her sick and twisted version of what love was; but, when I was 16, I started dating a guy named Danny and we came up with a plan to get me out of there. We would get pregnant and move away.
It wasn’t long after that we found out that we were pregnant. I was so excited, but Danny didn’t have the reaction I expected. The same man that told me he would stick around and get me out of my mother’s snare, bailed on me when I needed him the most – leaving me on my own to tell my mother and deal with the fallout.
When my mom found out I was pregnant, she acted like a jealous lover with the callousness of her words. Within the next couple of days, my mother took me to her ObGyn and my pregnancy was confirmed. That’s when my mother and doctor stepped out into the hall and Ely’s murder was set in motion.
Even though my mother sickened me, I still felt a twisted loyalty towards her. You see, that’s what happens with abused and neglected children; they do whatever the person who claims they love them wants them to – especially if that’s the only love you know.
On the day of the abortion, I was ambushed by my mom and brought to Memorial Hospital here in Springfield Illinois. I didn’t know Ely needed saving because I was told “it” was “just tissue”. The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. I touched my tummy and the tears started to flow. I knew Ely was gone. To add to my grief, my mom came into the room and said to me, “Now you’re the slut of the family”.
When I returned home from the hospital, I was not allowed to mention him. I still haven’t cried all those tears that have built up over these 41 years because I feel like I may die if I let them start. It’s been 41 years, but I still feel the grief and shame from losing Ely to this day. Everyday I lay that grief and shame at the foot of the Cross; Everyday I claim the Grace granted to me the day I asked God for forgiveness. God can heal a truly repentant heart; I know because He healed mine. I walk in the confidence of and blessed hope that I will see my Ely again. Just because my son is gone from this Earth, it doesn’t mean it’s over. I can hardly wait to get to Heaven to give him a hug for the first time. As of my last contact with Danny, he had become an alcoholic and I pray he has found or finds the healing that- he too- desperately needs.
Mommies and daddies who have lost your babies to abortion – no matter what abortion supporters tell you- know the grief is real and should not be suppressed. Grief is often a dismissed subject with these people because it doesn’t fit their narrative. Allow it! Name your baby, write a letter, plant a tree, get counseling, start an outreach, etc.