Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the author and are not necessarily reflective of Live Action or Live Action News.

Kristen always looked forward to the day she would become a mother. “My whole childhood, I was obsessed with babies. I had a whole collection of baby dolls, and I took them everywhere with me,” she told Live Action News. “I would pack a diaper bag and push a stroller around the mall with my baby doll when I was nine years old.” When Kristen’s baby brother was born, she begged her mother to put the baby’s crib in her room. She took care of her sibling in the middle of the night, and was often called a “natural little mama.”

Kristen grew up in several different countries as her family served as missionaries. Her father was a third-generation pastor, and she attended a Christian school. Her high school boyfriend was also a Christian. The two of them attended youth events and mission trips. Together, they made a vow to remain abstinent until marriage. They created strict boundaries and had accountability partners. It wasn’t easy, but they kept their vow all through high school. 

After high school, Kristen and her boyfriend remained a couple but began attending different colleges several hours apart. They met halfway to spend the day together on the weekends. After a while, they decided to get a hotel room so they could spend more time together. “We had been together for almost four years without having sex — what was the risk?” Kristen said.

READ: Post-abortive mom: Abortion regret ‘weighs down every fiber of your being’

But during their very first hotel stay, Kristen and her boyfriend broke their vow. The guilt they experienced afterward was unbelievable. They agreed not to let it happen again, but inevitably, those hotel stays led to more intimate times together.

At age 19, Kristen’s boyfriend drove her to get a pregnancy test after realizing her period was a few weeks late. The two lines appeared immediately. “I remember feeling like my life was over. There was no good option. My boyfriend felt the same way,” she told Live Action News.

Kristen recalled hearing the truth about abortion when she was a student at a Christian school. “I vividly remember going to Chapel one morning and hearing someone share their testimony about having an abortion and how much they regretted it. I cried. I told myself I would NEVER do that,” she said.

Kristen was personally pro-life until she faced what seemed like an impossible situation.  

“There was NO way I could tell my parents. My dad was a pastor! What would the church members think? I was a good girl; this didn’t fit into my life. This couldn’t be part of my story,” explained Kristen.

When she was nine weeks pregnant, she went to a South Carolina Planned Parenthood. After some lab work, she was given two pills and was told the experience would be nothing more than a heavy period. She took the first pill while at the clinic and immediately regretted it. Kristen shared, “I remember googling, ‘Can an abortion pill not work?’”

Kristen took the second pill the following day. “About an hour after taking the pill, I felt nauseous. I went to the bathroom and started violently throwing up. I felt dizzy and lightheaded. I couldn’t stop puking. Then, the bleeding started. And it was NOTHING like a heavy period,” Kristen recalled. 

In order to deal with all the blood, Kristen decided to get into the shower, and soon, the body parts of her baby began to leave her womb. “I definitely saw an arm (and even fingers),” she said. “It was so tiny. Everything came out in pieces, though. It mostly looked like blood clots, but I could still make out parts that looked like tissue. I just tried my best not to look and wash it all away as quickly as possible.”

The pain Kristen experienced was unbearable. The Planned Parenthood staff had warned her about possible cramping but what she endured was more like contractions. She called the clinic’s phone number to ask for assistance and was told to take ibuprofen, which did not lessen her pain. 

“At one point, I passed out in the shower. I woke up in a pool of blood with freezing cold water pouring on my feet. I tried to crawl out of the bathroom, but I could only make it a few feet before just giving up and laying down on the cold bathroom floor, completely naked,” Kristen said. “I remember begging God to forgive me and to make the pain go away. I promised him I would NEVER do it again. I apologized for killing my baby. I cried out in agony. Something in my mind told me this was the punishment I deserved and that I could never be forgiven. Everything else is a blur.”

“I bled for weeks; they didn’t warn me about that,” she said. Kristen also said that after her abortion, she was shocked to experience the brief production of breast milk — an uncommon but sometimes reported after-effect of even early miscarriage and abortion. “All of these were just reminders of the horrible thing I had done,” Kristen explained.

Kristen’s boyfriend kept assuring her they had made the right choice, but Kristen realized, “He couldn’t console me. He tried, he tried really hard. But I was inconsolable. I couldn’t focus in class, I withdrew from all my friends, I felt like I couldn’t even go to church anymore because I didn’t deserve to be there. God didn’t want me there. I didn’t tell a single person about what I had done and just made excuses for my absence.”

Kristen couldn’t deny what she had done but she did her best to hide it from everyone. About six months after the abortion, her high school sweetheart broke up with her. 

READ: Two decades later, she still suffers from abortion regret. ‘There will always be a hole in my heart’

Every night, Kristen thought about the baby she aborted. She prayed and begged God to forgive her for what she had done. “I still do that almost 10 years later,” she admitted. 

Kristen now has two beautiful, living children and feels as though she has robbed them of their brother or sister. Her parents, family, and friends have not heard her story; the thought of telling them causes so much pain and embarrassment.

Kristen shared, “I wish I could go back. I’d do anything, just to go back.”

As for those who are considering abortion, Kristen wants them to know that telling their friends and family about the pregnancy won’t be nearly as difficult as dealing with the shame of aborting a child — a shame that she says never goes away. She said she would tell them, “Don’t make a permanent decision in a moment of temporary crisis. You ARE strong enough to raise this baby. I can promise you; you won’t regret it if you do.”

Editor’s Note: Visit AbortionPillReversal.com for information on how it may be possible to halt a chemical abortion after you have taken the first abortion drug.

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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the author and are not necessarily reflective of Live Action or Live Action News.

Kristen always looked forward to the day she would become a mother. “My whole childhood, I was obsessed with babies. I had a whole collection of baby dolls, and I took them everywhere with me,” she told Live Action News. “I would pack a diaper bag and push a stroller around the mall with my baby doll when I was nine years old.” When Kristen’s baby brother was born, she begged her mother to put the baby’s crib in her room. She took care of her sibling in the middle of the night, and was often called a “natural little mama.”

Kristen grew up in several different countries as her family served as missionaries. Her father was a third-generation pastor, and she attended a Christian school. Her high school boyfriend was also a Christian. The two of them attended youth events and mission trips. Together, they made a vow to remain abstinent until marriage. They created strict boundaries and had accountability partners. It wasn’t easy, but they kept their vow all through high school.