** satire **
Dear Dr. Carhart,
I saw you on Live Action’s undercover video Inhuman, and I had to stop and write this.
Dr. Carhart, you are so brave.
You look women in the eye and tell them the truth: that by paying you to kill and dismember their fetuses in the third trimester of pregnancy, you are helping them avoid crippling – and all too common – ailments, such as postpartum depression and motherhood.
You bravely tell them the truth: that no one regrets her abortion. (Author’s note: maybe find a study or something that says this? Is there one? Check.)
You bravely tell them that their babies, after being injected in the heart with a lethal poison, will become soft in the womb like “meat in a Crock-Pot” so that they can be delivered. And if they aren’t delivered easily, you have a “toolkit” that will enable you to cut them to pieces so that they can be delivered without harming the mothers.
(And by the way, how ridiculous for them to call you “inhuman”! What’s more human, you or some Crock-Pot meat? Seriously!)
Because that’s what this is about. It’s about a woman having the choice – the right! – to avoid the slightest physical discomfort if at all possible, even if it means ripping the legs off her baby and crushing its skull.
Our feminist foremothers didn’t claw their way to equality so I could have my cervix bruised by an oversized chunk of my dead fetus. Thank goodness we have men like you, Dr. Carhart, to make sure that doesn’t happen.
If I were that baby, I would be totally willing to be meat in a slow cooker to make a better world for a young woman not ready for motherhood: a world where she can get a Bachelor’s degree much faster than she would if she had to take care of a kid; a world where she doesn’t have to worry about poopy diapers or stretch marks or sacrificing her own desires for another’s. Did you know that women who aren’t in sororities have a 40% higher risk of cancer? (Author’s note: find a study like this or similar!) And can you be in a sorority if you have a baby? Um, as if!
Where else are women going to get the kind of care you provide? There are only three other brave doctors in the United States who proudly and publicly state they perform third-trimester abortions. If only your kind weren’t so rare.
The media and the anti-choice bigots are telling the public that your patient Jennifer Morbelli died of complications from her abortion. While this may be technically true, is it helpful?
I mean, come on! The reality is, sometimes people are going to want abortions at 33 weeks’ gestation. If we make it illegal… (Author’s note: come back and work on this. What bad thing will happen if it’s illegal? More welfare recipients? Does that sound bad?)
My favorite part of the video, besides gazing into your kind and soulful eyes, is when you tell the pregnant woman that after the abortion, her life is going to be infused with meaning because of the child she “lost.” You basically tell her she will demand more of herself knowing she sacrificed a child to her new and improved, childless future.
I don’t know how many ways I can commend you for your bravery, but this takes the cake: to hear you unabashedly, proudly extolling the virtues of child sacrifice…I’m just speechless. We do not hear that enough these days, Dr. Carhart. Thank you.
You are an excellent example of what happens when we truly and literally “don’t judge.” I hear that all the time, don’t you? People are always reminding each other not to be “judgmental.” But how many of us really and truly practice it? You do, Dr. Carhart.
Because, you know, that’s totally what Jesus meant in that one part of the Bible when he told people not to judge or something. (Author’s note: look this up.) He meant exactly this: never tell someone that what she’s doing is wrong. Encourage people to do whatever they want, because there’s no such thing as evil. It’s all about how you look at it.
If more people understood that that’s totally what Jesus meant, the world would be a much better place. We would be free of overpopulation and pollution and global warming, and there would be no more endangered animals or oil spills or Republicans.
I seriously wouldn’t even worry about this Inhuman investigation thing. As of today, it’s not even mentioned on your Wikipedia page. Isn’t that like the tree falling in the forest with no one to hear it? I mean, if something isn’t on Wikipedia, did it even happen?
The work you do, Dr. Crock-Pot, I mean Carhart, will be remembered long after you are gone. Many years after you retire or go to prison, people will remember you as one of the few men who were willing to take money in exchange for ending the lives of babies well into the third trimester.
And that, Dr. Carhart, is exactly how it should be.