If we stopped watching every movie or TV show featuring a pro-choice celebrity, we’d never watch anything. However, there are a few entertainers who are such blatant shills for the abortion industry that I as a pro-lifer feel obligated to deny them my money and attention. Here are just a few. I’m putting them in ascending order from least to greatest in terms of how much they annoy me, but rest assured they are all deeply annoying.
5. Scarlett Johansson. The gorgeous star of Iron Man 2, Lost in Translation, Ghost World, and a bunch of movies I haven’t seen joined an even more irritating actress (see #1, below) for a PSA warning the world that in the event of Planned Parenthood being defunded, poor women would be denied even the most basic health care and forcibly impregnated with Republican babies, which they would then be forced to raise as Evangelicals. Or something like that. The gist was that it would be very, very bad for everyone, because Planned Parenthood is the only place women can go for health care, which as we know is patently false. In fact, if you’re pregnant and don’t want an abortion, they don’t have much to offer you at all. Johansson also said during the Bush presidency that if he had his way, “Every woman would have six children and we wouldn’t be able to have abortions.” She is now dating 50-year-old actor/nutjob Sean Penn, so watch for more craziness to issue forth from her pouty lips.
4. Sarah Silverman. I think Sarah Silverman is funny. I disagree with 99.9% of what she has to say, but in my more anti-establishment days I watched her stand-up. I choose not to watch her anymore, though, because of her infamous “abortion montage” from the now cancelled “Sarah Silverman Program” on Comedy Central. I choose Silverman to represent all comedians who crack jokes about abortion as though it were something only uptight, closed-minded zealots take seriously. The postmodern tendency to make light of everything is wrongheaded and dangerous. Some things are serious, period. Everyone knows this deep down. Everyone has a place where he draws the line. If you walked up to the most brash comedian in the world, one who made jokes about abortion and insulted every religion, and cracked wise about something sensitive to him, you’d see where his line was drawn. So joking about abortion is not only disgusting, it’s hypocritical. The same people who roll out of their chairs at “dead baby” jokes will boo you offstage if you say the “N” word. Neither should be applauded, but one is, and it happens to be the one that kills.
3. Chelsea Handler. Taking her place among the pantheon of completely talentless Americans who somehow get their own TV shows, Handler, star of the unfunny and irrelevant “Chelsea Lately,” criticized the MTV reality show “16 and Pregnant” from her lofty perch at the illustrious E! Network. “Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you’re a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody!” Settle down, Chelsea! You already did! She told the New York Times she had an abortion at age sixteen, “Because that’s what I should have done,” she said. “Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid.” What a horrible tragedy, having a 20-year-old kid. Think of all the millions of women in America alone afflicted with the heartbreaking condition of being the mother of a 20-year-old kid. Far be it from me to defend MTV; their programming is mindless and immoral, and the pregnant teenagers they cast are for the most part morons, but at least the morons have enough moral sense not to murder their children in the womb. Handler, who the New York Times managed to call intelligent three times in two paragraphs, thinks pregnant teenagers should be made to feel ashamed… unless they abort their babies. After all, Handler was pregnant, too, but she exempts herself from reproach because she did the “smart” thing and paid someone to kill the baby before it was born. Fortunately, Handler’s “comedy” is so bad she’ll be easy to boycott.
2. Amy Poehler. This one hurts. Amy Poehler is really funny. But she is with the enemy. She penned a letter on behalf of Planned Parenthood earlier this year, and incited renewed girl crushes on behalf of vapid feminist hipsters everywhere by gushing that Planned Parenthood “totally rules” and “is awesome” and not only that, but is “really, truly, no-kidding awesome.” By the way, Cecile Richards also “is awesome.” So she doesn’t have a sophisticated grasp of syntax, but she certainly knows how to catch the attention of 29-year-old grad students in skinny jeans who think watching “The Daily Show” makes them informed and reading Chuck Palahniuk makes them literate. The sharpest tool in the pro-abort arsenal is the perceived “coolness” of being pro-choice. Poehler is the perfect poster child for the cause: she’s cute, she’s subversive, she’s funny, she’s on an iconic TV show, and she makes movies with Tina Fey. She is also, despite evidence of a severely limited vocabulary, perceived as smart and well-informed. By lending her name to Planned Parenthood’s never-ending quest for money, she has bloodied her hands. She has directly contributed to the killing of the unborn. I boycott her.
1. Gwyneth Paltrow. I’ve never liked Gwyneth Paltrow. Something about her rubs me the wrong way, whether it’s the WASPy willowy blondeness, the otherworldly whiteness of her perfect teeth, or the way she goes on TV and tells young people they are frigid if they don’t have sex. Paltrow is a cautionary tale of what happens when you get too famous too young. She has become disconnected from real life and lives in three or four houses, most of which are in posh London neighborhoods, from which she blogs about macrobiotic food and emerges occasionally to join mother Blythe Danner in support of Planned Parenthood. She has appeared in PSAs for the world’s largest abortion provider, as well. Paltrow makes #1 on the list for several reasons. It’s mostly little things, such as being so deeply concerned about “the planet” and the “harm” we’re causing it while ignoring the harm we cause unborn babies, and sending out a Planned Parenthood fundraising letter on Mother’s Day. “You’ll be making a gift to millions of mothers,” said the letter. How exactly? By helping pay abortionists to kill their children? It also irks me how she encourages infanticide while flaunting her own rich, famous, blonde, half-English, weirdly-named babies. Why do hers deserve to live? Because their parents wanted them, that’s why. In Paltrow’s universe, only wanted babies deserve life. She is the type of morally inverted, bass-ackwards Hollywood moron who sheds more tears over shelter animals and processed foods than aborted children. And that is why, on the rare occasion she will appear in a movie I want to see, I will keep my money in my pocket and watch Ghostbusters for the 126th time on Netflix.
Boycotting is both passive and powerful. All it requires is that I not do something I might normally do, but it hits the enemy where it hurts: in the pocketbook. I might love “Parks & Recreation,” (I don’t, but I might), but it doesn’t kill me not to watch it. The money that’s raised for Planned Parenthood, however, certainly will kill someone.
Should you choose to take a stand, don’t be afraid to tell your friends and loved ones why you’re choosing not to support celebrities who support abortion. In a world of apathy and consumerism, your moral choice will make an impression.
In case you want a more comprehensive list of celebs actually willing to go out and march for abortion rights, here is one courtesy of NOW.